Jenkins Family

My New Year's Resolutions

2011-12-31T10:50:00.000-08:00

Every year I make them, and every year I break them. Sad. I know. But, maybe this year will be different. I am making huge changes in my life this year, so maybe I can actually keep my resolutions, which would also be a change. So, here they are. Honestly, they are usually the same every year, and it is frustrating that I can't keep them. We'll see.

1. FHE every week
2. Scriptures with family every night
3. Temple once a month
4. Never get behind by more than two weeks on tithing
5. Regular exercise every week
6. Healthy eating with treats only once in a while
7. Less phone, more sleep
8. Good grades (shouldn't be TOO hard to keep this one!)
9. Don't yell at my kids as much, if at all
10. More compliments to and dates with Mikey; think about his needs more before my own

I know this seems like a lot, but I am pretty good at keeping all of these, just not on a regular basis. So, my main goal is to just do better on them. I don't need to be perfect, but next year on New Year's Eve, I'd like to look back and feel like I did a lot better this year. That's my number one resolution--just do my best.

My Daughter's Awesome Self Esteem

2011-12-30T10:16:00.000-08:00

When I was eleven years old, I was so self-conscious, it was painful! I was constantly worried about what other people thought of me and whether or not I was pretty or thin or good enough. It was an awful way for a beautiful, talented little girl to live. I have tried really hard to tell my daughters that they are wonderful and beautiful and smart and talented and important. I'd like to think that they are getting the picture and I really think that Audrey is, and that makes me happy. Recently, she decided that she wanted to express herself through her hair. I pondered this request for a while and I decided that I would let her. I don't want to be one of those moms who never let their kids do anything and then eventually the kids do a major backfire and do everything against their parents will. So, I gave in to this little thing. Hair grows back, or at least that's what I keep telling myself. I don't particularly like the new hairdo, but Audrey does, and it makes her feel powerful. So, that's what I DO like about it. I truly hope with all my heart that as Audrey gets older and enters middle school that this self-esteem of hers will continue to be so strong.

My Frustrations (Are a Result of My Expectations)

2011-12-06T14:10:00.000-08:00

Yes, Dad. My frustrations are a result of my expectations. I know. But, I can't help it. When it comes to school, my expectations of myself are very high. They always have been. So, it only seems natural that when I score badly on a test, I berate myself to no end and then vow to do better next time. Well, that's what I have been doing, but it's not working. I have been getting bad score after bad score and it's really starting to get to me. Okay, it actually got to me a long time ago. Why is this happening? I don't understand! I got 100% on an accounting quiz a few weeks ago and on my last one I got exactly 80%. Some people might not be appalled at this, but I am. That's 20% less than what I should be getting, especially in accounting. Or, how about the 76% I got on one of my Geography midterms? Then there was the 64% I got on my last Biology midterm. I took another one last night and I haven't found out the results yet. If it's as abysmal as the last few, I am in big trouble. I have already resigned myself to the fact that I am not getting a 4.0 this semester. Okay. But, could I at least get some Bs out of the classes rather than Cs or, heaven forbid, a D? Ugh. I need a break. Stress sucks.

My Latest Update

2011-11-15T09:42:00.000-08:00

Hello All,
As most of you know, we went to Texas this last weekend to attend the temple to watch Mike's brother Chris and his family be sealed for time and all eternity. What a huge blessing that was for us! I had the honor and privilege of being Penny's escort as she made her way through the temple for the first time. It's nice to do that because it gives me a fresh perspective on the blessings I get from attending the temple. I hope that Mike and I can have a new desire to start going more often.

On a more bittersweet (but exciting) note, Mike also had the interview with Holt Cat in Irving. It's looking more and more like Heavenly Father wants us in Texas. I will miss Utah and the people I have met and love so much here, but I am looking forward to opening a new and exciting chapter in my life. The interview went better than Mike or I could have ever hoped for. Not only did they tell Mike they want him so badly that they will create a position for him, they also said that they will continue to pay him what he makes here with room to grow and all the overtime he wants. We are so excited to get going. In some ways, I want to leave right now! But, we are still waiting on our home situation to be figured out. If we can get that taken care of, then there is nothing stopping us except the sheer amount of packing. The garage alone could take upwards of a month!

I had the chance to look at some houses while we were there and I toured the elementary school the kids will go to. It is wonderful! I am so much more excited for them to go there than I am for them to be at Fox Hills. We attended our potential ward and everyone was very friendly and inviting. That's one of the things I love about our church. It doesn't vary no matter where you are in the world. I really need a fresh start like this. I also saw my campus that I will be attending and I found out that in Arlington, they have all-day kindergarten!! I can't wait! Not that I don't love Claire, but it just means that I can be that much closer to attending school full-time or even working during the day doing accounting. So, the countdown has begun. We will see what Heavenly Father has in store for us. I can't wait!

My Toasty Home

2011-11-05T09:42:00.000-07:00

Right now I am sitting on my trusty leather couch, listening to a fire crackle in the fireplace. My kids have just gotten done playing in the snow and the girls are now lying on the floor with their feet held up in front of the fire. I just got done cleaning the kitchen and the dishwasher is running in the background. Dallin is sitting at the table doing homework and the window is bright from the sun reflecting on the snow outside. Mike is out with some buddies working in the garage and the dumb dog is laying at my feet, asleep. We had some Christmas music playing before Audrey started practicing her cello. Now it's back on and we are enjoying our morning. I hope everyone else is having a nice one too! Love to all!

My Quandary

2011-11-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

As you all know, I have gone through about a zillion dogs since we have lived here in SLC. I have never been able to find the perfect one. Cannon was a puppy, so he chewed on everything and was just too much work. Plus, I was pregnant with Claire at the time, so I just didn't have the patience! Then, there was Turbo. Turbo. What can you say about that dog? He was cute, but he consistently took food from the kids hands, knocked over the garbage can, constantly pooped in the house...I was done. Then, there was Rowdy. Rowdy was the best dog ever. I couldn't ask for a better dog. But, Mike didn't like him. Apparently, his blonde dog hair was too much for Mike to deal with. Man, I wish I would have just told Mike to shove it on that one, but I didn't. So, we gave him to a friend in the ward. Now we are onto Bronx. Bronx seemed like the perfect dog. But, from the beginning he peed every once in a while in the house. I thought it was because he wasn't neutered, so I got him neutered. Yeah, that didn't help. Then, I thought maybe a dog door would help. At first, it seemed to, but for some reason he is scared of Mike (which might be part of the problem) or he doesn't like the cold weather (which I doubt is the problem). But, today alone I have found poop and pee in my birthday room, pee in Dallin's room, and poop in Emma's room. I have tried and tried to get the kids to close their bedroom doors, but alas, no luck. So, I have reached the end of my rope. For some reason, I am having trouble allowing this dog to leave even though I don't exactly like him. Maybe it's something about his buggy eyes, or the way he snores when he sleeps. But, I have posted him on KSL and I am hoping that he will go to a family who will love him. I can't count how many times I have had to clean up dog pee while we have lived in this house. But, I have decided that this is it. We are not getting another dog again. Maybe a goldfish would be better suited for our family. In the meantime, I have some rooms to clean. Does anyone have a pooper scooper I can borrow?

My Potential Chronic Sunburn

2011-10-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

Well, since everyone who follows my blog already knows, it's not a secret anymore. Mike and I and the kids are planning a (tentative) move to Texas. It's time, after 13 years, for Mike to finally be closer to his side of the family. This is a bittersweet thing for me, for sure!! I don't want to leave my own family by any means. That is a HUGE given. However, Mike deserves to enjoy the same camaraderie that I have had for so long and it will give our kids the chance to get to know the Jenkins side as well. Plus, real estate in Texas is incredibly cheap which is always a great thing! Mike has an interview with the CAT dealership in Irving, which is about 20 minutes from Arlington, (our city of choice) on or around the 10th of November when we are there for Chris and Penny's big day(s). I am really excited, but also a little scared at the idea of leaving. We have been here for 7 years now and even though I don't really like Utah weather, it is much preferable to Texas heat. But, who knows? Maybe I will actually like it once we are there. If everything goes the way it should, I will be attending the University of Texas at Arlington to finish my Bachelor's and Master's degrees in accounting. Penny has already informed me of which schools are the best for the kids and I trust her judgment implicitly. So....now it's just a waiting game to see if this is what Heavenly Father really wants for us. If things go smoothly, then we'll know it's meant to be. If they don't, then it's not. Either way, it's all in Heavenly Father's hands as far as I'm concerned.

My Medical Nightmares

2011-10-06T13:25:00.000-07:00

Hello all,
It seems like I have been writing a lot lately, but it seems like life is handing me a lot to write about. But, today I will write about the medical nightmares I have been having these past few weeks. First, the most obvious one: my cyst removal. As most of you know, I had an emergency removal of a cyst on my ovary in which they removed the whole ovary as well as the cyst. I woke up on Monday morning with a pain in my side that just wouldn't go away, and it kept getting bigger and bigger. Finally, Mike FORCED me to go to the hospital, against my will, and after a CT scan, we found the cyst. It was a dermoid cyst, meaning that it had grown teeth and everything. Scary stuff! I am actually learning about this stuff in my Human Biology class, so it was like a little extra homework for me. Anyway, we decided to take it out, not at all thinking of what the medical bill might be afterward.

Well, yesterday I received the bill from the hospital in the mail. I was thinking it would be pretty big--somewhere in the neighborhood of $5, maybe even $10,000 if things got out of hand! I was so wrong. Folks, it is a whopping $25,438.11!! I about fell down and had a heart attack right then and there. What can I do about it now?! It's not like I can take my ovary back. So, here I am, bill in hand, wishing I had a million dollars right about now. Not to worry, I can always sell my other ovary for the money, right? I mean, it's not like I need it!

As for my other medical nightmare....well, this one isn't nearly as expensive. But, it will definitely mean huge changes in our home and a lot of patience on mine and Mike's parts. Dallin has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder with some Hyperactivity. I have NEVER noticed any hyperactivity on his part, but apparently some things he does like scream at the top of his lungs or get up and down from his seat fall into the hyperactive category. However, I have known for quite some time in my heart that he had ADD. I think now it's just nice to have an official diagnosis so we can start getting help on how to deal with it WITHOUT medication. That is one of the things Mike and I are very adamant about: NO MEDICATION. Luckily, Dallin's case is somewhat mild and he is by no means an unruly child. But, still, he does have the odd noises and the small tics that are associated with kids who have attention problems. He also has a tremendously hard time concentrating, and I know that this is something that will get better as he gets older. But, we are working on helping with that now so it won't be so difficult for him in the future.

We have decided as part of the treatment, that we are going to start going gluten-free for at least a month to see if it helps. Of course, we are doing other things like adjusting bedtimes and night routines, TV schedules, posting checklists for him, etc. But, the biggest change for our family is going to be the gluten-free diet. I would like to get to the point where everything in the house is Dallin-friendly. But, that means the whole family is pretty much going gluten-free too. I don't know if that would be more expensive than just buying him extra stuff on top of our regular groceries, but I will just have to perform some trial and error. It will be a journey, that's for sure.

Anyway, that's about it on my end. How is everyone else doing?

My Educational Predicament

2011-10-05T13:09:00.000-07:00

For the past few weeks, as most of you know, I have been dealing with my kids' elementary school and problems encountered therein. Most of the problems have been with Dallin and his teacher. It has gotten me thinking about what I want to do with my life. When I graduated from high school, I knew for sure that I wanted to be a teacher. I went to SUU and I was in the process of taking all the classes needed to get my elementary education degree. When I moved back to Oregon, I decided that I would rather be an accountant, and for the most part, that is what I have stuck with. But, with all the troubles Dallin has been dealing with lately, it has gotten me to thinking that maybe I want to switch back to my original idea. I realize that the money aspect of it would be about half of what I'd make as an accountant. But, I wish that Dallin had the kind of teacher that I know I could be. I hope that doesn't sound like I am tooting my own horn, but I love working with kids, mostly teenagers and preteens. But, I'd be happy with just about anything from grade three and up.

So, here is my predicament: I have already been going back to school now for well over a year. I have done a few general ed courses, but most of them have been business related with the goal of transferring to a four-year college to study accounting. But, I have been volunteering a lot lately in three of my kids classes and I just don't know for sure that accounting is what I want to do anymore. Too bad I can't do both! Any suggestions?

My Dermoid Cyst

2011-09-28T13:38:00.000-07:00

Well, as a lot of you already know, I went in for emergency surgery Monday night to have a cyst removed on my ovary. I have to admit, I wasn't expecting that initially. I even said to the receptionist in the ER that I thought I might be overreacting by coming in and that it was probably just gas. But, lo and behold, after getting a CT scan, they found a 7cm dermoid cyst on my left ovary. It had gotten so big, it had twisted my ovary downward which is what caused the unbelieveable pain in my left side. It even had a tooth in it! My sister had a cyst removed when she was 20 weeks along with her first son, Chase. Now, she has another one. I'm not sure why she is waiting to have it removed, but I am sure she has a good reason. All I know is that the pain was unbearable for me and I wanted it gone!! I was blessed to have lots of people helping me through all this. Caradon gave me advice and calmed me down, reassuring me that I wasn't going to die. That was my main concern, believe it or not! =) Sam came and took the kids for a couple hours until my mom could get there. Then, she spent the night and cleaned my house so I could basically lie in bed all day. I have to admit, I am getting kind of tired of sleeping on my back and I wish so badly that I could sleep on my side. I'll get there sooner or later. I also live in a family full of comedians, so I am constantly laughing, which sucks because it hurts so bad. I also really need to take a shower, but I am scared to. I am afraid of falling and/or getting the stitches wet. Every time I stand up, I feel dizzy. And, then there's Mikey who has made this while thing seem like a vacation of sorts. He is so attentive and loving and I am so grateful that he has bent over backwards to make sure I am comfortable and well-taken-care-of. I am a lucky girl. Heavenly Father has really been watching over me and I am grateful for all the well wishes from friends and loved ones and the prayers. They really do help. Now, I have to get back into a normal routine! Wish me luck!!

My Friend's Husband

2011-07-27T07:35:00.001-07:00

I babysat Amy when she was very little. She was always very hyper and excited. We went to church together and when she was a Beehive, I was a Laurel. We were always really close. Then, she got older and started dating Justin. He was a great guy, but they weren't married yet, and they had a little boy together, Layne. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise for them because after being together for so long, they finally got married and became a little family. I babysat Layne for about a year as well and he was so much fun! Justin ended up getting baptized and as far as I know, they were making plans to go to the temple.

This morning, I got a call from my sister saying that Amy's husband died a few days ago. I can't believe it. To be honest, I guess you just think people are invincible and something like this comes along and hits you like a ton of bricks. They were such a cute family and I can only imagine how hard they are taking this, especially Layne. To lose your daddy at such a young age (only 9) is such a difficult thing. My thoughts and prayers are with them for sure. But, this also got me thinking about my own husband.

How quickly life can be taken! You never know when your last moment might be with the ones you love. Maybe instead of whining tonight when Mike asks for a little him-time, I should gladly be with him because I don't know if this might be the last chance I have. Who wants to know that the last moment you had with your spouse was a fight over something so precious as love? I sure do love Mike with all my heart. I love my kids with all my heart as well, and all my family and friends. Take the time to call someone you've been meaning to call for a while now, or take that extra moment to show your kids you really care about them, or take that extra few seconds to give someone a hug as they leave the house. You never know if it might be your last chance.

My Body

2011-07-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

I was inspired for this post by my sister's post from yesterday, although hers was much shorter than mine will be. But, that's the way I roll...and roll...and roll...I tend to ramble. Anyway, I was thinking about bodies in general, and about mine more specifically. I have never really been a fan of my body since I was about 8 or so. Before that, I thought nothing of it except that it allowed me to do what I wanted like play in trees, dance, sing, make up stories, and just about any other thing a body can do. When I was eight, I remember going to the doctor's office and being scolded for my weight and the potential of being an "obese adult" if I kept eating the way I was eating. That moment in time really stuck with me and I have never been able to shake this obsession I have had since then.

As I got older, I slimmed down as most growing kids do. By the time I reached the end of high school, I was 5'8" and about 165 pounds. Honestly, I would kill to be that now, but at the time, I still thought I was too fat. Then, I went to college and due to living in a small town (Cedar City, Utah), I walked everywhere and since I lived in the dorms, I never really snacked on anything and just ate at the cafeteria when I was hungry. So, I managed to lose about 10 pounds which brought me to the lowest I've ever been as an adult and I felt GREAT! I felt so powerful and beautiful, the kind of feeling that I should have been having all along! Then, I got married and I relaxed quite a bit. I didn't have to impress anyone anymore and Mikey likes me just the way I am, big or small. For that, I am truly grateful, but in some small ways it's a curse because I don't feel like I need to try to improve myself.

This is where miracles started to happen. My body not only gained and lost and changed in so many ways, but I was also able to grow four little other people inside of my body. What a miracle!! Think about it for a minute. I stare at myself sometimes in the mirror, and most of the time, I have a look of horror on my face. But, if I would just think about what came out of that huge, saggy, deflated balloon belly, I might look at it differently. I'm not the heaviest I have ever been now, nor am I the lightest. But, I think I am the healthiest. I have learned over the years that it is so important to treat my body how it should be treated! I need the right fuel and the right exercise to keep myself going. I don't know if I felt so good in college because I was skinny or because of the work I did to get myself that way. Either way, I felt good, and I know that if I do the right work, which will make me feel strong and good, the losing weight thing will follow naturally.

Anyway, I just wanted to share those thoughts with those of you who might be feeling the same way. Have a great day, everyone! And, remember that we are all different, thank goodness! If we were all the same, life would be so boring!!

My Longest Run Ever

2011-07-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

That's right, folks! I ran my longest run ever last night, or at least it felt like it! It even felt longer than my half marathon which is 13.1 grueling miles! Now, I only ran 3.32 miles last night. I say "ran" for lack of a better word, or maybe because it is easier than saying I mixed running and walking. Regardless, I "ran" those miles, but in addition to the running, I was pushing my bike trailer/double jogging stroller which had both my youngest girls inside. Keep in mind that between them both you are looking at about 85 pounds. Then add in the weight of the stroller itself which is a good 10 or so and you are looking at nearly 100 pounds! Plus, I ran/walked/pushed it up to Sonic. Now I say "up" because I truly mean "up." It is a very slow incline at first, but then it steepens quite a bit and Sonic is at the end of 1.66 miles uphill most of the way. I got the kids each a little treat and I asked for the biggest water they had because brilliant me forgot to bring a water bottle.

The kid came out on his roller blades and boy, did he deliver the biggest water ever! It was their most giant cup (which is I think 32 ounces) filled with fresh, icy cold water. Ah, it never tasted so good. It was funny to see the kid's reaction when he saw us because I turned to him, with a beet red, dripping wet face and smiled. This is quite a look I get when I really push myself physically. I have very blonde eyebrows, almost clear and my face turns as red as a tomato, I am not even joking. I'm used to it now, but if someone sees me who doesn't know how I get, it's quite a shock. This kid fit the shocked expression bill to a tee. I thanked him for the stuff and started guzzling the water. Then, I made Emma hold it in between her little knees. I swear, the cup went from the floor of the stroller past the tops of her knees in a sitting position! It was huge!

Then, I started the treacherous journey back down the hill. I had thought that maybe the way back would be easier because the decline would pull the stroller which would in turn pull me. But, that wasn't the case. My lungs couldn't take it and honestly, I think they might have burst if I would have continued running. So, I did the old power walk back down the hill to my house. I don't think I looked quite as funny as those little old ladies you see power walking together, hips a-swaying and arms seesawing frantically. But, I am sure I looked pretty darn close. I am very proud of myself for even making it as far as I did. It took almost an hour, not including the stop at Sonic. And, even though that is the slowest time for me on a run (which I can't really include because I haven't pushed a stroller on a run in at least 8 years), I did it. I guess that's all you can really hope for is that you will finish what you start. That is what I am going to do from now on. I really don't have any excuses anymore, especially now that I have pushed 100 pounds uphill for what seemed like forever! (Now imagine "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus playing in the background and you'll get inspired too!) Have a great day everyone!!

My Cub Scout

2011-07-22T07:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I just spent a good ten minutes writing this cute little entry about Dallin (again, I know). Then I tried to post it and it was erased!! Crap! So, now I have to write again. So, here goes. Please understand that I do think of my children equally and love them equally, but lately Dallin has been doing a lot of things that are too funny not to share. Last night he and I went on a bike ride date. I took him to the Jordan River Parkway, which is this beautiful stretch of bike and running paths next to the Jordan River. Anyway, I was all excited to take him because I thought he genuinely loved to ride his bike. Well, I was wrong! We only rode maybe four miles total which on a bike shouldn't take very long. But, because he was complaining most of the time, it took us just under 45 minutes. I couldn't believe it! When I was his age, I LIVED outside during the summer. Now, my kids would rather spend most of their time inside. I try to limit their TV time, but I am wondering if I should just take it away altogether so they are forced to be creative and to be outside. "My knees ache, there are bugs on me, my butt hurts, this is taking forever..." The list goes on and on as to the complaints that came out of that boy's mouth! I swear, that was not the way I planned our little date, so honestly, I am not entirely sure I will ever want to try it again with him.

On a more positive note, he is attending his first-ever Cub Scout Day Camp today. He is so excited. We had to be at the church at 7 this morning and he was up in my room fully dressed at 6:15. When we were waiting at the church for everyone to arrive, he was acting a little goofy with the other boys, then he came over to me and whispered, "Mom, I am SO nervous." It made me a little teary-eyed, but luckily, I kept it together. I gave him a kiss and a hug and I told him that he was going to have so much fun! On the inside I was screaming that we needed to hop back into the van and race home and I was never going to let him leave me. But, I know that he won't grow if Mom always coddles him. Luckily, my dear friend, Carina, is going to be there all day, so she told me she would keep an extra eye on him. That made me feel much better! Tomorrow when he goes, Mike will be with him all day, so I will definitely rest easiest tomorrow. Let's just hope he doesn't get asked to do any physical exercise at camp, otherwise those leaders are going to get a taste of what I did last night! I don't know, though. Aren't kids always much better for other adults? Yeah...

My Blast From the Past

2011-07-21T11:58:00.000-07:00

We recently got Netflix. I swear by this program and I wish we would have gotten it sooner. We hooked it up through our Wii so the kids can watch any TV show that they want (just about) any time they want (when Mom says it's okay). I rarely join them, and my experience with Netflix is the DVDs through the mail. I love it! I can keep the movie for any amount of time I want, then when I am done, I just send it back in the mail and they send me the next one on my list. But, two days ago I decided to join the kids and watch streaming Netflix.
Since I was watching, which I don't usually do, I demanded that I be the one to choose what we watched. I was browsing through the selections they had and the movie "Fame" that was recently made was one of the movies shown. It made me remember the TV show "Fame" that was on in the 80s, so I checked for it. I didn't know it, but that show only lasted two seasons! At least, that's what Netflix said. Anyway, I vaguely remember an episode of it that I especially loved. Keep in mind that this show was on in 1985, at which time I was six years old. So, my memory of it was from a six-year-old's perspective, which meant it was the coolest show ever! I flipped through all the episodes and finally came to it: The Wizard of Oz episode!! I don't know if any of you who read my blog have ever seen this episode (besides you, Caradon. Of course.) but it was basically the story of Wizard of Oz set in the school of the arts that the students attended. It was very cheesy with the halls of the school lined with sheets of shiny streamers and large paper flowers pasted over them. Miss Sherwood was the wicked witch, Mr. Sorofsky was the wizard, Leroy the scarecrow, Bruno the tin man, Doris as Dorothy...you get the picture. Anyway, I watched it with a smile on my face and eyes wide at the memories that flooded back to me. It was still as cheesy as ever in all of its 1985 splendor, and it was amazing how quickly the whole premise of the show came back to my mind. It's amazing what you pick up when you are six years old!
Once it was all over, I sighed happily and turned to my kids who had been watching it with me. They were all grins too, and I smiled at the thought that I may have created a childhood memory similar to my own to pass on to my children. Needless to say, I will be watching streaming Netflix a little more now! After all, I have two seasons of Fame to watch!

My Son

2011-07-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been two months since I've written and I feel like a turd. Sorry. Now's as good a time as any to start back up, though, right? Well, my son is today's topic. He has been eight for two months now and we finally got him baptized on July 9th. We waited that long so that Adam, Katie and Jonathan could be here too. It was a wonderful thing. I can't believe how old my little boy is getting! I remember when he was first born! He has turned out to be a really great kid so far. Not only is he sweet and loving, but he is also a very hard little worker and most of the time he is quick to do what I ask him to do. He adores his dad and spends every waking moment with him. He's also a funny little kid too. The past few days he has desperately wanted to set "the world record for staying in only your underwear all day, Mom!" But, I have been pretty mean and made him leave the house with me to run errands, so he hasn't been able to set his record. I guess I will have to set aside an entire day devoted to just staying inside the house so he can finally set his world record! I doubt that he will make it into the Guiness Book, but he can try! I love all my kids so much, but there's definitely a special place inside my heart for my one and only son. I pray every day that he will grow up happy and kind and grow to be a great man like his dad. I am such a lucky mom to have the four best kids in the world!

My Mom

2011-05-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

Mom,

I feel like I need to post this blog so I can express to you how much I love you. (By the way, for those of you who don't know, this is a picture of my mom playing a nun in a community production of "The Sound of Music." She and I were backstage.) As you know, I have always been better at expressing my feelings with words on paper rather than out loud, and I want everyone to be able to hear what I have to say. I remember countless Mother's Day duets with you. Usually, we would sing My Mother, My Daughter. "The seasons come, the seasons go, and I see you grow. The light of faith is in your eyes. It was planted long ago. I weep for your sorrows, smile when life is fair, I speak your name in each tender prayer...." I loved that tradition that we had. So, today at church, I sang in Relief Society with my two beautiful children, Dallin and Audrey. It brought back a flood of memories,(and tears) especially when I explained a little about my history with singing on Mother's Day to the ladies in the room.

When I was young, I never fully appreciated you, and I am sorry for that. I remember that day at Scott's cabin. Nothing needs to be said about it because we both know what I am talking about. But, that memory is cemented in my head to this day, so vividly, and I think that it's there for a very good reason. Probably many reasons. But, the main thing I want to say in reference to that day is how very much I love you. You were so quick to always forgive me, even if I had hurt you to your very core. I know that one of these days, probably sooner than I would like, my own daughters may feel those things about me. But, they will also realize when they are moms, how right I actually was, just like I have realized that about you.

But, today is a day for me to remind you how great you truly are. So many times, you stayed awake with us all night long when we were sick. I don't think there was a single concert that I ever had that you weren't either in attendance for or playing the piano for. You managed to always sign us kids up for various classes and other extracurricular activities on a limited budget. You and I shared an amazing once-in-a-lifetime experience in Europe that I will never forget either. I think you may have actually been cooler than I realized at the time! You always encouraged us in our constantly changing life ambitions. You were always there to pick me up after I fell, and I fell many times. You never told me I couldn't do something! In your mind, there was nothing we couldn't do as long as we put our minds to it. Now that I am a mom, I realize how lucky I am to have had you there to raise me, to teach me what it means to truly be a strong woman. You dealt with so much, and yet you are still so strong! So, on this day, I want you to know how very much I love you. I want you to know what a tremendous impact you have for good on so many people's lives every day. If I can even be a shred of the kind of mother you are, I will be so grateful! Never again will I say that I don't want to be like you, because quite frankly, there's no one else I would RATHER be like! I hope you know how very much I truly value your friendship, your opinion, and your love. I will always try to twirl for you, and I can't wait to watch my own daughters twirl their way through life for me. Thank you for everything you do for me every day. Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!

"I've watched you, dear mother, each day of my life. I've seen how you smile through the joy and the strife. I've needed your love, and have known you were there. I've seen how you help to bring answers to prayers...depending on my love, my dear mother..."

Always your Pixie...

Lindsay

My Much-Needed Break

2011-05-06T09:22:00.001-07:00

Well, Hello All! Here is a long overdue fill-in on what is going on with the fam. I have finally finished the semester (Spring) and due to no financial aid available to me, I am taking a forced vacation from school for the summer. I think it will be good. The kids were starting to complain that I was ALWAYS doing homework (which isn't too far from the truth) and I wasn't spending enough time with them. So, now they will have me all summer long and quite frankly, they will most likely get pretty sick of me. So, here I am, sitting at my blog, listening to my dishwasher run in the background, knowing that my house is pretty clean (for my standards, not my mom's) and feeling pretty decent. I need to get out for a run. Anyway, that's what's up with me. Now for the rest of the family!

Mike is doing okay. Things at work are very slow, and he is really struggling to find a spot there where he feels comfortable. Ever since the false accusation made at him at work, he has constantly felt anger and a huge desire to leave. I certainly can't blame him. But, considering the economy is what it is right now, he's lucky to have a job, so we aren't going to complain too much. Besides work, he is having a much better time. He has lots of side jobs lined up for extra money, but that hasn't stopped him from making time to take Dallin to the skate park or go to soccer games and practices for Audrey and Dallin. Which brings me to my next group: the kids. Audrey and Dallin are playing Spring Outdoor Soccer. Audrey doesn't like it as much and she is ready to try a new sport, but Dallin likes it quite a bit. They are both getting so big. Dallin just turned eight yesterday! I can't believe I have another child getting baptized! I am thrilled, but I am a little sad too. It's amazing how fast one's kids grow up. I have heard the saying, "The days go so slowly, yet the years fly by so fast." It is all too true. Claire will be turning four in a month, and she and Emma are graduating from preschool at the end of May. Well, technically, Claire will be coming back for another year, but Emma is movin on up to Kindergarten. She is very excited, as am I. She has a major jump on the other kids, as she already knows all her letters and sounds and has even started forming them into words. I am constantly amazed at how smart all of my children are.

On sadder news, Mike and I had to cancel our cruise. We are both pretty devastated. We were really looking forward to getting away, just the two of us. Maybe we can afford later to stay in a bed and breakfast for a night or something instead. We are hoping to put together a fun family vacation for sometime in September, right around the three birthdays. We will tell the girls we are going to have a vacation this year to celebrate all our birthdays rather than parties and presents. Hopefully, that will fly! Anyway, we are still trudging along, trying to get everything squared away. Spring always seems to bring with it rebirth and a newfound feeling of rejuvenation. It always seems to help me feel better about life, even when things aren't going as well as I would like. Hope all is well with everyone else! Love you all!

My Running Partner

2011-04-08T13:18:00.001-07:00

Hello all,

I realize it has been too long since I wrote, so I decided to get on the ball. To start, I need to let you all know that I love animals. Anyone who knows me at all, knows that I wanted to be a veterinarian as a young child, I volunteered at the Humane Society for a few years in high school and I have always had some sort of pet in my life. Since Mike and I have been married, we have gone through many different animals in an attempt to find the perfect one for our family. We tried cats, but my mom is allergic, so we had to get rid of them. We tried rabbits (still have one of them) and we tried dogs. Big dogs, little dogs, red dogs, yellow dogs...wait, that's a book. Anyway, we have tried lots of dogs!! Cannon, Turbo, Rowdy, and now Bronx. I think we have finally found a keeper. A little history: Mike LOVES cats. He grew up with cats. I grew up with dogs. I LOVE dogs. Allergies trump dislike, so it was agreed that if we had to choose between the two types of pets, we would choose a dog, much to Mike's dismay. Cannon was a puppy--too much work. Turbo was a huge pig--constantly digging in the garbage and eating food right out of Claire's hands. Rowdy was perfect!! Except that he was too big and he shed too much for Mike's liking. Plus, he was blonde, so the hair showed up everywhere. Mike hated that. So, we had to get rid of Mike, I mean Rowdy. ;) After that last one, we decided to get rabbits, but the kids soon lost interest saying that rabbits are boring. It's true. But, finally, Mike agreed that if we could find a dog that doesn't shed, is small, quiet, and good with kids, we could get it. Well, folks, we found him. Bronx. He is my new running partner (on the short runs of course, because I don't think his tiny legs could carry him much further than about 4 miles). He stays right by my feet, never straying, except if a large bus or truck goes by. If that happens, he curls into a scared little ball. He is very nervous all the time. He piddles if he thinks he's in trouble. I think he may have been abused by his previous owner. But, we are showing him what it's like to live in a home where he is loved and treated well. So, after some adjusting time, we are really warming up to this little guy. Best of all...his breed doesn't shed!!! We are all thrilled with that. His eyes are a bit buggy which get mixed reactions from people trying to decide if he's cute or ugly. You decide!

My Evil Bank

2011-03-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

I need a place to vent and this blog seems as good a place as any. CHASE BANK SUCKS. I'll say it again: CHASE BANK SUCKS BIG CHUNKS OF DOG POOP. I have had many problems with this bank, but I have finally reached the end of my rope where the desire to stop getting royally screwed is larger than the wish to avoid the hassle of changing all my direct deposit stuff. Every time I have ever made a deposit since Chase took over Washington Mutual, it appears online in my register as "pending" and the next day disappears completely as if it was never there in the first place. I have gone into the branches on three seperate occasions, receipt in hand, to make them aware of their screw-up, but I shouldn't have to do that every time. I went in yesterday morning and made a deposit of $158, $100 of which was cash. Pure, unadulterated CASH which should have posted to my account IMMEDIATELY and stayed there. During the night, 3 checks posted to my account all of which would have been well-covered by only the cash portion of my deposit, let alone the check portion. But, because of this stupid habit Chase has of posting your deposit then making it disappear the next day and reappear magically the third day, made it so these checks took my balance into the hole by a measly $40. Of course, had the deposit actually posted like it was supposed to there wouldn't have been an overdraft in the first place. And, if they had my checking account hooked to my savings account (which also has enough money to cover this supposed indiscretion) they way they said they did, I wouldn't have been charged 68 FRICKING DOLLARS in overdraft fees. So, now I have to drag my butt into Chase AGAIN, even though I should never have to do this in the first place, show them the receipt that proves I did, in fact, make the deposit and they will need to refund me the overdraft fees. This will make the FOURTH time I have had to do this. I shouldn't ever have to do this!! I am DONE with Chase Bank!! I don't care what hassles I have to go through, I will do whatever it takes cause I am DONE!! I hate Chase Bank!! There, I guess I feel a little better, but I won't feel completely better until I give them the finger (which I won't really do because I am classier than that, but I feel like it, that's for sure) and switch to another bank. Now, the question is, which bank should I switch to? Any ideas? Anyway, I hope all of you are having a better day than I am. Thanks for listening to my rant!

My First Baby

2011-03-01T14:20:00.000-08:00

When I was 7 1/2, I had a baby. I know what you are thinking--it must have been a doll or something. But, no, it was a real, live, breathing baby. No, it wasn't mine (it was my mom's) but it sure felt like mine. This baby had a very bald head until she was about 2 (just like me). She had blue eyes and she was 9 lbs 2 oz (just like me). Her hair grew in blonde and curly and she had a cute little basketball belly (just like me--except I still have a basketball belly and she, regrefully, does not). She and I would have "conversations" where she would make little baby noises and I would "interpret" them for everyone. In every aspect, she was, in fact, as much my baby in my 7 1/2 year old mind as she was my mother's baby. Caradon and I probably had many fights over who would get to push her in her stroller--Adam didn't really care, he was too busy pushing his head around the carpet like a tractor. I remember that she was the first baby in my entire life that I got to change the diaper. Phew! Crazy baby sure did make a huge mess. But, once I knew how to do it, there was no stopping me from volunteering every time. I'm sure my mom was grateful.

Well, this baby started to grow up. I could regale all the specific stories of the torture my sister, brother, and I put this baby through when she was about five and in her bossy, tattletale stage, but I won't. Let's just suffice it to say that we made her realize that we weren't going to put up with her crap, that's for sure! She continued to grow into a beautiful little girl. Like any big sister, I can remember dressing her up in pretty dresses and doing her hair. Once I did this so I could take pictures of her to draw for my high school art class. Yeah, I know that was a big time jump, but that's what I do. Anyway, she and I had to share a room for a lot of years. We had a nice big house with four bedrooms. But, Caradon got her own cause she was the oldest. And, Adam got his own cause he was the only boy. And, of course, my parents got their own. So, that left me and Sam. She was a good roommate for the most part. She wasn't too annoying and she would get out of bed when she was fast asleep at my insistence so my friend could have her bed and she would sleep on the floor. I was so nice! We had a little tapping code on our walls and to this day I only remember one code phrase, and I am not going to tell what it is, it's our secret. We sang little songs together and made videos together about little girls named Michelle or something like that.

When I was 18, I moved out of my parents house to go to college and left my baby in my brother's capable hands. While I was gone, I would hear stories about the amazing games of basketball she would play, or she would tell me all the latest gossip about her friends. I can remember watching my baby in many amazing plays, showing the world how talented she was (and still is to this day). One of her plays even made me cry! Of course, that's not very hard to do. A couple times she and I would dress up as clowns and go to the local country club to paint faces on the Fourth of July together. It was fun. We would go on walks and have long talks about her life and about her struggles with high school, friends, parents, and all that other kind of stuff when I moved back to Oregon. She has always been an amazing aunt to my kids and they love her more than me, I think! She was and is an amazing person.

One day, after many years of constantly coming to each other for advice and support, she came to me for some support that, in a way, I saw coming, but in another very big way, I didn't. She came to me in tears, holding her heart in her hand to let me know that she was in love with her best friend, who also happened to be a woman. I immediately put my arms around her and we hugged and I can remember thinking how badly I wanted to protect her, how badly I wanted to make everything perfect for her. For a long time, she fought those feelings, trying so hard to please everyone else and to do what she knew to be correct or right at the time. Over time, though, she began to feel that that wasn't what she wanted to do anymore. It was hard on our family for a while. I was so torn. I had to please my husband by supporting his feelings on this matter, but I also had to be true to myself by loving and supporting my baby the same way I had always done since she was born. But, time has a way of healing everything.

It has been a little over three years now since we had that tearful conversation on my bed. I remember it so well because it was on my wedding anniversary and I was holding my 6-month-old daughter in my arms. I can't say that my feelings on this matter have completely healed, and my beliefs are still very much the same. But, I can say that things are as normal now between us as they were before all of that happened. I have come to love Elise very much and I love having her as a part of our family. Sam and I still have our playful banter and Sam's relationship with Mike is back to normal, which I am truly grateful for because I don't have to serve as the mediator or messenger. My kids only know what they need to know about Sam--that she loves them more than life itself and there is nothing she wouldn't do for them. And, that she is tons of fun--way more than Mom is! Sam has always been my first baby. Nothing will ever change that, and nothing will ever stop me from loving her so very much. And, the only thing she had to do to win my affection was to be born, and that was it. Not many people can claim that they earned my affection so easily. I very much look forward to the future that Sam and I have to spend together. I am excited for the amazing things she is going to accomplish in her life, and I am happy for all the people in the world who are going to be better for knowing her. I am certainly a better person because of you, Sam. I love you so much.

My Son's Tender Heart

2011-02-11T20:34:00.000-08:00

Tonight Audrey and Mike had a daddy-daughter date, so I got to spend the evening at home with my three youngest children. We decided to have a few little treats and watch a great movie called "Liar, Liar". Now, if you have seen this movie, you know the premise of it. It is basically about a father/son relationship. The dad is a lawyer (played very well by Jim Carrey) and he is always telling his son they will do things together and then backing out usually because of work. The little boy is devastated every time and feels sad that his dad lies to him all the time. So, on his birthday party he makes a wish that his dad can't tell a lie for a whole day. Well, the wish comes true and throughout a day of funny events, the dad finally comes to the realization that his son is so much more important than his job. He gets fired and runs to the airport to try to catch his son and ex-wife as they fly to Boston to look for a new home. He catches the little boy and at the end of the movie, there is a touching scene between Max and his dad where Fletcher (Jim Carrey) tells Max that he loves him so much and he never wants to be away from him again. Now, being me, I of course blubber at this point in the movie, because I tend to apply fictional movie plots to my own life and think about what I would do in that same situation. Well, I turned over to my son who was sitting next to me, and his little chin was quivering and tears were rolling down his face. I pulled him into a hug and asked what was wrong, and he said, "It's just so sad, Mom." I hugged him and reminded him that now the dad and the boy will get to be together all the time. He nodded his head, wiped his tears and after giving me one more hug, he was fine. It melted my heart. Now, I have only seen my own husband cry a handful of times in our marriage, so I know that Dallin didn't pick up this tender-heart-on-his-sleeve mentality from Mike. He got it from me. And, as proud as I am that Dallin is so much like his dad, there are other men in my life that I want Dallin to be like. First, my own dad, who, like Mike, rarely cries. The other, my brudder. Any of you who know Adam will know that he also has a tender heart. Maybe that is because he was raised by so many doting women, or maybe it's just who he is. As an adult, I haven't seen him cry in a very long time, years in fact. But, I can remember watching many movies as children and seeing him cry when animals or babies were in peril, or things just tugged at the old heart strings. Tonight's experience with Dallin gave me a glimpse into my son's tender heart and the fact that he is a strong, manly, truck-loving, paper-airplane-making, get-your-hands-dirty boy just like his dad was at his age. But, he is also a tender-hearted, artistic, kind, gentle, and sensitive boy as well, just like his Papa and his wonderful uncle Adam. I am so grateful that my children have such a good mix of both my side and Mike's. I love all my kids, but there's definitely something special about my one and only son. Sons hold such a special place in their mom's heart. I can only hope that he continues to be such a loving, kind man as he grows up. As long as he keeps getting teary-eyed at tender movies, I won't have to worry!

My Challenge-Week 4

2011-01-29T12:51:00.000-08:00

Well, as you all know, I haven't been doing so well since I became so inspired by my sister. Certainly not as well as she has done, but as everyone knows, you should never compare yourself to others, it just doesn't work. Everyone is different, with different strengths and weaknesses. But, today's weigh-in was great. I have lost 4.6 pounds this week! All that hard work paid off, or maybe it was the crying in the bathroom. Either way, I am doing well.

On a sadder note, I studied all day on Thursday for a quiz in Business Law. ALL DAY!! When I went to take it, I felt fairly confident that I would do well, but I scored a 44%. Not even kidding. My jaw literally dropped to the floor. Our teacher warned us that the average score on these quizzes was around 50%, but since I had gotten 88% on the first one, I felt like the smartest person in the world! Second quiz...not so much. It didn't help that the whole hour I was taking the quiz, the computer kept freezing on me, so the 50 minutes I was allotted only actually was about 35, plus two teenage boys were sitting at the computer across from me laughing and talking loudly the last 1/2 hour. I finally asked them to please be quiet, and they said, sorry, then went right back to being loud! I don't do well on tests in loud rooms. Ironically, we were in the library, and no one said anything to them. So frustrating. I vow that the next quiz will be much better, but at the same time, I sometimes feel like I might be taking on too much. My kids needed me that day, but I kept shooing them away because I was trying to study. Then, I got that crappy score and felt like my efforts weren't worth it. On a happier note, I scored 105% on my Spanish test. Now, that's more like it! =)

My Kick in the Pants

2011-01-24T09:22:00.001-08:00

Well, I have to be honest. That's always what I teach my kids, so I have to be an example. And, if I am being honest and following in my big sis' footsteps at reporting how I am doing every week, well, bleh. That's all I can really say. I did HORRIBLY this week. There's all kinds of excuses I could throw out there: I was lifting weights, so I put on some poundage; I started my period; I was stressed out because of school...But, really, what it boils down to is this: I binged. I don't know what my deal is. Am I trying to subconsciously sabotage myself? Maybe. Do I really want to gain every week as I have been since I started this blog? No. I went to Weight Watchers on Saturday morning, bright and early with two of my best buddies, Carina and Kim. Thank goodness they were there, because if Kim hadn't coaxed me out of the bathroom, I would have stayed in there the whole meeting crying into my soggy piece of toilet paper! As I mentioned, I gained, but the REAL kick in the pants was that I am back over 200. I am at 200.2. When I told this to Mike, he snickered a little and said one good poo would put me back under 200! He's right, but the point is that there was a "2" in front of my number again, which I promised myself would never happen! You have to understand that when I ran my half-marathon in October, I was right around 186. Maybe it's the winter blahs, maybe it's the crap that I ate over the holidays, who knows. I do know that seeing that 2 in front of my weight really gave me a reality check. Tears were shed, and resolutions were made, and I am proud to say that so far, I have kept those resolutions. I know, I know, I am only two days into it, but that number really affected me. It's so complicated, weight loss. Caradon, I think you are truly the only person who can really know what I mean, especially in regards to the pressure we get from ourselves and other individuals who are important in our lives. One thing I can say positive out of all this, is I realized just how supportive my husband is, after he tried to comfort me with visions of large...deposits...in said bathrooms. HE. RAN. FIVE. MILES. WITH. ME! Who out there can say that they ran five miles in just under an hour, laughing, and talking with their husband, enjoying the fresh morning air, sun peeking out from behind the clouds? I can! And, I think it ranks up there really high with some of the best moments of my life. At the end, he wasn't complaining; in fact, he said how much fun he had and how we need to do this every Saturday. I love that man!! So, now that I have had my kick in the pants, I will be proud to report in next week!! Now, is there any wood around here for me to knock on? Just in case? ;)

My First Week Ended

2011-01-16T09:57:00.000-08:00

Well, if I have to be honest, I will tell you all that I am extremely disappointed in myself. Instead of losing a pound and a half this week, I gained two. I really don't know what happened! Either I didn't keep careful enough track of my intake or something, but whatever it was, it has made me feel horrible. So, this week I need to lose 3 in order to get back to where I need to be! I have done it before and I know that I can do it again, but it might be hard. I made myself a poster that has a whole bunch of pictures and positive sayings on it that I hung in my room. Hopefully, it will serve as some inspiration.

On a more positive note, Mike and I celebrated 12 years of wedded mostly-bliss. I can't believe that we have been married that long! We've been a couple for 14!! And, even after all that time, I still love him just as much as I did when we first met and my heart still jumps a little when he walks into a room. It's nice to be married to your best friend. Plus, he's given me the four most beautiful and sweet children in the world as a bonus!! I sure do love that boy. I can't wait to spend a week with him on a cruise to the Carribbean in August!! It will be wonderful!!

My Snuggle Date

2011-01-14T17:18:00.000-08:00

Last night I had an awesome date. It wasn't with Mikey (although of course that would have been awesome) and it wasn't with some other studly man. Well, okay, maybe it was...but he wasn't the only one!! I had two amazing women with me as well! Claire fell asleep pretty early, and so did Mikey since he had to go to work so early this morning, so I got to have a snuggle date with Dallin, Emma, and Audrey. Now, I call it a snuggle date because Audrey claimed that I really don't snuggle her much. Kids have such picky memories, don't they? In my mind, my snuggle time with my kids is quite a lot considering how I don't really snuggle. But, I decided to show her, so I popped some popcorn and we sat in our HUGE armchair (it really is huge--it holds me AND Mike!) and we SNUGGLED! Emma and Dallin sat on the couch and we all flipped through Netflix. Anyone who doesn't have this, I would highly recommend it. I am hooked. It is only ten dollars a month, DVDs come in the mail and we can watch instant movies through our Wii which we just got for Christmas. Yes, we are finally joining the 21st century after a decade of actually being in it. Anyway, I decided to show them what funny, mindless entertainment really is, so we turned on Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. Anyone who was alive in 1986 knows how popular Pee-Wee Herman was back then, and I am glad to say that he still entertains five-through-ten-year-olds as much today as he did back in 1986. Anyway, they loved it and Audrey and I snuggled like no one has ever snuggled before. Sam, you are jealous. Let's hope this snuggle date stays in Audrey's memory bank this time!

My Inspirations

2011-01-08T09:52:00.001-08:00

Hello all,

I have been inspired by my wonderful sister, Caradon, to write this blog. She has taken a highly courageous step on her blog. She has posted pictures of herself, her weight, her measurements and everything as a starting point for a year-long journey she is going to take. She is going to try to lose 104 pounds in a year. That is a huge deal! I am so proud of her. Can I also take a moment to tell you, Caradon, that being your sister has always made me feel like I was on top of the world? I can remember many times throughout my school years bragging that I was your sister to my teachers or friends. In college, I loved being able to walk over to your apartment to hang out with my cool sister and her cool friends! When I met Mike, you were the first person I wanted to tell. When I got pregnant with my children, you were the first person I told (after Mike of course). I want you to know that I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS!! Don't ever tell yourself you can't. I never would have thought a year ago that I would be able to run a half marathon without stopping to walk even once. Yet, I did it. I am so excited that you are possibly going to do it with me this year. It will be the best day of my life. I will have my husband, my beautiful sister, my awesome brother, my wonderful sister-in-law, and one of my dearest friends, Becky, join me.

So, to continue this blog after that tearful little interlude, I want to tell everyone that Caradon, along with countless other friends and family, have inspired me to get to where I am now. But, I have so much more to go. I will take your initiative, Caradon, and I will post my own weight, meaurements and story for the world to see. So, here it goes.

At my highest weight (excluding having just given birth, or being a nursing mother) I weighed 246 pounds, not much less than Caradon does now. Sadly, though, I don't have the lucky height that Caradon has, so I was quite a bit more portly. I will show you what I mean. This is me in December of 2005. Since this time, I have lost 50 pounds, which puts me at 196. Yay for me that I am under 200 pounds finally, but I do have a lot longer to go. I still want to lose 46 more pounds. So, I am using Caradon as my inspiration, as I have countless other times in my life, and I am going to take on this challenge for myself that she has made for herself! Except, I have a bit of a shorter time frame. I would like to lose my 46 pounds before August 14th, 2011. That is the day Mike and I will (hopefully) leave for a cruise to the Caribbean! We never had a honeymoon and we are celebrating 12 years of marriage on January 15th, so we figure it's about time we do something nice for ourselves.

Now, anyone who knows me at all, knows that I am a math and numbers girl. So, if you do the math, you will see that this gives me 31 weeks to fulfill my goal. 46 divided by 31 is 1.48 pounds per week. Even numbers are a good thing, so the goal will be to lose 1.5 pounds per week and I WILL be at my goal by August 14th. My measurements are as follows: Chest 43", Waist 39", Hips 45", Thighs 24", Arms 12". Here is a recent picture of me:

Some might think these pictures aren't too bad, and compared to the picture up above, they really aren't too bad. But, I am excited to see what I look like as I progress. I will post a written blog every week to keep everyone up on my progress, and I will post more pictures every two months. I know we can do this, Caradon!! We WILL be successful and we will be triumphant! I love you. Wish me luck, everyone!!
P.S. Anyone know how to delete pictures after I have posted them on my blog? If you can let me know, that'd be awesome!! ;)

My Lack of Motivation

2011-01-06T12:58:00.000-08:00

Hello All,
Sorry it has been so long since I last wrote. Things have been busy. Christmas was extra hectic this year because we hosted a week-long reunion with all of Mike's siblings, their families, and Mike's parents. It was crazy, but we had a lot of fun. Things definitely seem empty and quiet around here now and Audrey has observed many times how "plain" the house looks now that we no longer have our decorations up.

On a better note, the kids are back in school, my house is mostly recovered, I still have my hair, and I have re-lost five of the ten pounds I gained while Mike's family was here. I thought that with the new year would come a new and resounded motivation for me to get back on track. But, alas, it has not yet arrived. I have done everything in my power to get it to come to me, but I just can't seem to convince myself that to stop eating so many sweets is actually a good thing! I will get there, though. 2011 is my year, I can feel it! There is a slim chance that Mike and I might be able to go on a cruise through Jamaica and the Carribbean for a week in August, so I will use that for my motivation. It may be a pipe dream at this point, but I will cling to it with all my might. Maybe the thought of me lounging on the beach with my honey looking like a large member of the ocean life, (rather than the svelte, sexy woman that is in there just dying to come out) will be enough of a push to find my motivation. In the meantime, the mirror will have to do! Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2011 brings with it everything wonderful for you and your families!!

My Christmas

2010-12-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

I am ashamed to say I have not gotten my Christmas decor out, I have not gotten a tree, and we just barely got our house lights up. You'd think I'd be on top of that because of the huge Christmas we are having this year. Maybe that's why I haven't. I have been so busy with finals, getting the house clean and ready for company, busy with kids, etc, that I just haven't really thought about it. If it weren't for the kids constant reminding, I would be willing to bet that Christmas Eve would come along and I would sadly still be undecorated. It's odd too because I have been listening to Christmas music constantly, my Christmas shopping is done except for stocking stuffers, and we have been busily making all kinds of plans. But, yet, no decor. I had better get on top of this stuff!! We have less than three weeks until the big day!!

My Half Marathon

2010-11-20T13:04:00.000-08:00

It's about time I got my procrastinating butt on here and typed an entry. I could give this whole list of excuses as to why I haven't gotten on here, but none of them would really fly, so I will just say that I am here now, so here I go. I participated in my half marathon on the 30th of October, and boy was it unlike anything I have ever experienced!! I thought all my training runs had given me an idea of what it would be like, but I guess I had no idea! Becky and I rode busses up to the tent at the starting line and waited for an hour and a half in the cold. We peed twice, tried unsuccessfully to take cute pictures of ourselves on our phones, and just chatted and had fun. It was nice to spend that time with my friend. But, as soon as the starting gun went off, we parted ways, Becky zooming ahead as I had expected her to and me trudging along behind. My goal had been to run the whole thing and get in at just under 2:30. I met one of those goals, the most important one: I ran the whole way, never stopping to walk even once. But, I missed my time goal by just a measly three minutes! I was frustrated for a split second, but then it hit me that I had just run a half marathon! Something not many people can say they have done! As is my tradition, I dedicated a mile to very special people in my life, so now starts the novel in which I tell everyone my dedications. I hope you have a while to sit and read!! Here goes:

Mile One: This one is for Pam Hansen. She is a writer and her story of loss in every sense of the word made me want to start running in the first place. She is a wonderful woman and I love her story!

Mile Two: This one is for all my friends who are always encouraging me, especially my "Ant" Cheri. They tell me constantly how great I am doing and how awesome I am looking. It is because of wonderful friends and family that people are able to make it through a day. Ant Cheri, you are and always will be my most favorite aunt in the world. You have always encouraged me as well as any mother could, and I am proud to be your "Button".

Mile Three: This mile is for one friend in particular: Becky Weller. She and I have run many races together, always checking in with each other, sharing our stories of painful muscles, incompetent lungs, horrible-tasting GU and many other runners' laments. Aside from that, she is my "Bestie" and I am grateful for her.

Mile Four: This one is for Jared Parkinson. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have trained nearly as hard, and I wouldn't have lost twenty pounds in two months. You are an amazing person, Jared, and I hope for only the best things to happen in your life.

Mile Five: This one is for Mom and Dad. Mom, you have always wanted your kids to live a better life, always improving and never accepting things just because they were easy. Dad, you always have a wise bit of advice to give, or a listening ear, and I have been so grateful for that in my times of crisis. Both of my parents are amazing and I am so incredibly grateful to have them in my life. Mom, I don't know if you know how badly I want to please you, but I am grateful you have taught me that life isn't about pleasing other people. It's about pleasing you Heavenly Father and yourself. Thanks for lovingly watching me twirl and helping me up when I fell. I love you both.

Mile Six: This one is for Caradon. Of course, it's for Brad and the boys too, but mostly for her. Caradon, you were my first best friend in this world, and you always will be my best friend. I am truly blessed to have had a sister as wonderful as you. I am always amazed at what a patient, unselfish, and loving person you are, and I can only hope and pray to aspire to reach your level of "perfection" someday. If everyone was like you, this world would be a much better place. I love you!

Mile Seven: Samantha, you were my first baby in this world. Even though you were technically Mom's daughter, you were MY baby, and I loved you so much. I still do and I always will. Even if your path in life is quite different than mine, I truly believe we will arrive at the same destination. I am just glad that I have your hand to hold onto when I feel alone or scared or need a really good belly laugh. You are always the person I will turn to for that. I love you more than any other little sister in this world! Tap, tap, tap.

Mile Eight: My Addie. Oh, how I miss you, my little brudder. You will never know how much, and I can't even explain why. You are the one who has encouraged me from the beginning telling me over and over that this is not an impossible task for me! Now, here I am, running a half marathon! I never would have thought that I would be out there doing something like that in a million years, and you will never know how many times your voice or your face has floated into my mind on my long runs, inspiring me to keep running. I love you so much!!

Mile Nine: To my kids. You guys are what keep me going. Whenever I feel like checking out, your sweet little voices and your beautiful laughter fill my ears and my heart overflows with love. Granted, you also provide me with the most trials in my life, but those are what make people stronger. You four are my life and I would be dead without you. I am doing this so I can hopefully be an example to you of a healthy lifestyle and so I can be around for a long time with you. I love you, my sweet babies, more than you will ever know!

Mile Ten: Okay, here come the major waterworks. This mile is for my Papa. I know that even though you aren't here with me physically, Papa, you are there with me on the course. You have been with me through every run I have finished, every triumph I have experienced in my life. I know that you are proud of me. I heard a quote once. It goes like this, "This is for my grandfather, who never, ever could have run a marathon, and who never, ever would have doubted for a moment that I could." This describes my Papa perfectly. He always made me feel like the most important, amazing child in the world. I love you so much, Papa. You are etched into my heart permanently, and when I die, yours will be the first face I fervently search for.

Mile Eleven: Now, I am nearing the end of my journey, so this mile goes to the one who has been my biggest support. Mike, you have always been there for me, even when I don't deserve it. Whether you are texting me on my runs, encouraging me to keep going, or rubbing my feet afterwards after holding my hair back so I could puke! You told me how beautiful I was even when I was at my worst. You have loved me unconditionally since we met, and if it weren't for you, I might be dead right now. Mike, you are my heart. My life has more laughter, more love, and more happiness in it because of you. I love you the most!! =0)

Mile Twelve: Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I cannot count how many times I have come to both of you tears, pleading for help, and always feeling like things were going to be okay once I got up off my knees. My Savior has given the ultimate sacrifice so that I can come back to live with Him and my Father in Heaven again. The least I can do is try my hardest to be a better person for them both. Nothing in my life that has been good has happened without your guiding hand, Father. I know that thou art my strength and my guide--all I have to do is follow.

Mile Thirteen Point One: This mile is for me. Ultimately, I am the one who has put in all the hard work. Even with contracts or encouraging words from friends and family, I could have easily given up a long time ago, but I didn't. I know that I am stronger than I once was and I can only get stronger. Even if I don't make it to the end of this race in less than 2 1/2 hours, at least I will make it to the end. That much I know, because I am a strong, capable, beautiful woman. I can do anything I put my mind to.

My Fashion Icon

2010-10-21T12:38:00.001-07:00

So, I promised I would write about my shopping trip with Audrey and her friend, Alexia after it happened. Well, here goes! To say the least, my daughter has a unique style about her. I knew that she would love Rue 21 (plus, it helped that I had a 40% off my entire order coupon) and I was right. She was in preteen heaven. Normally, you wouldn't take a ten-year-old into Rue 21 because it's geared toward teens and young-at-heart-adults. But, Audrey is not your average-sized ten-year-old. Audrey is nearly five feet tall and weighs close to 100 pounds. She is the size of most 13-year-olds. So, it is safe to say she has grown out of children's sizes and has moved into juniors sizes, a little to my chagrin, but what can ya do?

Audrey was immediately drawn to all the fluffy skirts. There were more ruffles than you'd find on Madonna in the 80s on these things--it's amazing how styles go full circle. She got a few skirts, some leggings to go under them because, after all, modest is hottest! =) She got a ruffly shirt and a cute little hat and a few other things. She got a pair of boots and a cute little pair of black flats with "diamonds" on the toes. She is turning into quite the lady. We got her a pair of jeans and a pair of black slacks. All in all, this kid made out with a lot of great stuff and I didn't even have to spend an arm and a leg thanks to my thriftiness (thanks, Mom). That evening, after I had run ten miles and was sitting miserably on the couch in my PJs after just having thrown up twice, I tried to enjoy their fashion show. But, after about two outfits, they could tell I was dead on arrival, so they all went downstairs to watch a movie while I climbed wearily into bed. Overall, it was a good day, and I have to say I am impressed with Audrey's eye for unique, yet cute, outfits. Now, if only I could get her to shower everyday, we'd be good to go.

My 30 Pounds

2010-10-16T08:39:00.000-07:00

I know, I know...it's been a very long time since I wrote. Things have been busy, what can I say? I hit 30 pounds lost this morning since I started this journey back in February. It has taken me FOREVER mostly because I had a three-month hiatus and said screw it and gained back 12 of the 20 I had lost. But, now I am back on track at 191.8, EXACTLY 30 pounds less than when I started. I still have 42 to go, but only six more pounds and I will be halfway there! That's quite an accomplishment. I am also running my first 10 mile run tonight. Wish me luck! Well, I wish I could talk longer, but I have to get ready for my shopping date with two of my favorite preteens in the world, Audrey and Alexia. We are going to shop til we drop for new clothes for Audrey. It's about time I actually bought her some new clothes. I have been blessed for the past ten years not to have to buy anything for her and just receive generous hand-me-downs from friends and family. But, now that she is coming into her own style, she gets new clothes as a late birthday present. I am sure it will be quite entertaining! I will tell everyone all about my two big adventures that I am going to have later this week! Wish me luck.

My Happy Day

2010-09-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

Today is good. Today I ran four miles in my best time yet...44 minutes. That is an 11 minute mile. Usually I run at least 11:28 per mile. Thank goodness for my iFit from my hubby. Oh, how I love him and the support he gives me in all this! It was a beautiful day today. Not too hot, just 70 degrees and a small wind blowing. The sun is shining, and there are people out doing yardwork, there were even some nice sprinklers to run through. Now, I am home, feeling good about myself, looking around at a nice, clean kitchen, again, thanks to my awesome hubby. All I have to do is make the bed, straighten up a few little things and vacuum. Then, I can rest and start in on my homework. Of course, there's always time in between those things to do a little update on my blog. Priorities, ya know! =) I hope you have as happy of a day as I am having, people!

My Misery

2010-09-21T12:35:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I think today's run was my most painful. Before I elaborate, I have to brag a little and tell you all that on Saturday night, I ran eight miles without stopping to walk. Ran the whole thing. So, I know that I can easily do six miles on flat terrain, especially considering the first three miles of the Saturday run were almost straight uphill!! So, today after the kids were all at school, I got my little water pack on and my iPod in and I was ready and rarin to go. I had had some allergies for a few days, but nothing horrible so far. Boy, did that change.

I went out into the cool morning air, and started going. The wind was blowing in my face which didn't bother me at first, but then I got to about a third of a mile and it really started picking up. The air here is extremely dry, not to mention all the smoke smell in the air from Herriman. (I love you, Becky.) I was running, and my eyes were pouring out water. My nose was on fire, literally, or at least that's how it felt. I have never wanted to cry so badly during a run as I did today. People driving by must have thought I WAS crying because my face was all scrunched up, tears were pouring out of my eyes and I was sniffeling so much. I would like to think that I am one tough cookie, but this run really tested that theory.

Against all odds, though, I kept going. Granted, I didn't run the whole thing, but it really wasn't a mental thing. I literally couldn't see, so I had to slow down. The wind was really blowing by about mile three. My cheeks under my eyes were completely raw by this time from me rubbing away the tears and the wind blowing against the wetness for so long. Oh, it was so miserable!!!! I can't put enough exclamation points to emphasize how miserable it was. But, I did it. All six miles, albeit slowly, but done just the same. I AM one tough cookie after all.

My Accomplishment

2010-09-12T07:59:00.001-07:00

You know, there are a thousand reasons not to reach goals you have set for yourself. For me, there are about 10,000. Or, at least four very obvious ones in the form of pesky (but wonderful) children. There is always the husband who cooks delectable meals in quantities rightly fit for about 15 people, no exaggeration. That could derail any of the best-laid plans. There is the severe lack of energy most young mothers have that would prevent one from running the seven miles that's on the training schedule for that day. There is the fact that there really are more important things to be doing other than writing down every little thing that you eat and keeping careful track of calories and fat and fiber. See, there are a lot of reasons not to reach my lofty goals!

On the other hand, there are about 10,000 reason TO meet those goals as well. There is the fact that I will be happy and have a sense of accomplishment and everyone knows that a happy mom means everyone else is happy, and vice versa. There is the fact that I am going to be in the best physical shape of my life. There is the fact that I am going to look GOOD in those jeans that have been sitting on my closet shelf for five years just waiting for me to be able to fit into them. The list goes on and on.

Well, yesterday I stepped on that old scale for my weekly weigh-in and I was finally below 200 pounds. Now, I am not brave enough to put this number on the Facebook page, but I figure anyone who reads my blog probably already knows my weight to begin with. If they don't, then I figure that if they love me enough to actually read my blog, then they will still love me just as much even if they know that I once topped well over 200 pounds. I could even get really brave and tell you my highest weight in Spring of 2003, but I figure, if you really want to know that one, you can give me a call. Let's just suffice it to say that since then, I have lost at least Claire and Emma combined. I feel like I have accomplished so much, and even though I have a lot longer to go, it's nice to have reached that milestone. I also promised myself a new outfit when I get below 195, and I only have 2 pounds to go until I reach that goal! Anyone wanna go shopping with me next Saturday? There's something else for me to shoot for!

My First Day of Preschool

2010-09-07T13:04:00.000-07:00

I took a deep breath, then got out of bed. I had dreamed about it all night long. I had dreamed that I wouldn't be able to take the girls because I didn't have any money, I dreamed that I would get into a car accident on the way there. I had been looking forward to this day for a really long time. I started getting dressed, hearing the rustling downstairs and the hushed, yet excited, whispers of, "It's our first day of preschool today, Claire!! C'mon, let's get dressed!" I smiled to myself as I walked out into the kitchen to start getting ready for the biggest day in my youngest girls' lives. So far, at least.

They came up the stairs, as fast as their little legs could carry them. Ah, the excitement of one's first ever day of school. Along came Audrey and Dallin, already plodding toward impending doom and barely into the third week of their new school year. Another little laugh out of me while I poured the Trix into the bowl and slowly watched the milk change from white to orange to pink. Emma and Claire downed their cereal before I even had a chance to finish making the PB and J sandwiches for Audrey and Dallin's lunch and were already ready to take the next step. "Mom, we have to take baths, right? Don't we? Huh?" I had to shoosh them so I could finish the lunches, tucking my little 'Mommy loves you, have a good day' note into the lunchbag and setting them on the counter.

"All right, come on. Time for baths." I had set out some cute outfits for them before they had bounded up the stairs and so those were ready to go. I swear the first day or two of school is the only day besides picture day that my children look somewhat good for school. After that, all bets are off. Today was no exception. The girls were fresh and clean, hair smelling like Pantene shampoo, every little nook and cranny scrubbed to a fresh shine. After we did their hair with cute matching bows and we had read scriptures, I sent the older two off for school, then got myself dressed. I was wearing scrub bottoms and an old T-shirt and tennis shoes, knowing that I was going to celebrate my newfound freedom today with a nice run in the perfect weather after the preschool train left the station.

When the time finally came for the kids to go, they put on their backpacks, all grins and bouncing, and stood at the door to take pictures. I was starting to get just as excited as they were. We drove to Miss Nicole's Preschool, the minutes passing like molasses to all of us. Emma was an old pro, but Claire was so excited, she couldn't even stand it. We pulled in front of the house and climbed out. We walked up to the front where Miss Nicole was waiting, taking pictures of the kids. Claire started walking up the stairs without even a wave, and I got a little choked up, I'll admit it. I had had a year's worth of practice leaving Emma for 2 hours every Tuesday and Thursday for a while now, but not my little Claire Bear. This was the end of an era for me! First no more diapers, then preschool! Soon, she'd be dating, then out of the house for good! I gave them each a kiss goodbye and watched them walk away, a little bit older than they had been that morning. No mother is ever ready for this day, but don't worry. I survived. It was a great first day of preschool!

My Update

2010-09-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

Hello all,
I don't want you to think I have forgotten about my blog. I haven't. I have just been very busy with school which started for me last Wednesday, and for the kids, last Monday. It has been nice to have a quiet house most of the day, except for the occasional outburst of arguing from Emma and Claire. They will start preschool on the 7th, so I am very much looking forward to that.

I am doing well on my contract journey with my friend. We have both done well these past two and a half weeks, neither of us faltering. I guess we care about each other more than we thought. Either that, or neither of us wants to be the dope who messes up first! Either way, I have lost six pounds so far in the last two weeks and on Saturday will be my weekly moment of truth to find out if I have lost any more. More importantly, I FEEL better and I feel like food doesn't control every thought I have during the day. That could also be owing to the fact that I am a lot more busy and boredom has a way of making me head for the cupboard. I hope you are all doing well. Saturday will hopefully be a record day for me, finally putting me under 200 for the first time in 12 years. At one point I was barely under 200 a few months ago, but I don't count that, since the next day I was back up above it and by three weeks later I was at 208. Yeah, that was when I decided I really needed to do something. I just didn't get my idea for the contract until way later. Anyway, I will post when I reach that amazing milestone. In the meantime, I gotta get back to my Spanish and Business Philosophy! Wish me luck! =)

My Death

2010-08-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

I have decided on a few good ways to die. The best way would be in my peaceful sleep next to my husband when I am 95 years old. The next best way would be to die in my sleep even if my husband weren't there with me when I am 95. After that, the ways are all downhill from there. Nothing other than those two ways would really be preferable, but there are a few I can think of that I would not like. I would not like to fall off of something really high. The anticipation of what was coming would really suck. I would not want to drown, because I just can't imagine getting water in my lungs. I would definitely not want to die in a fire because of the tremendous pain. But, mostly? I would not want to die while running. That's truly how I felt this morning and I think I would have keeled over at any moment if I didn't know my kids were home by themselves and I was half a block away from them.

Today was my "Wednesday's going to suck, I have to run five miles" day. Normally, these past few long runs, I have done really well on my time, I have never stopped to walk; I have been really proud of the way I have performed these last few times. Today's run stopped that trend dead in its tracks, no pun intended. I was SO tired. I think that was the main problem. I wasn't thirsty, I had a drink the whole time. I was kind of sore from the weight lifting I had done the day before. I was really tired from the fact that I had gone to bed around midnight the past two nights. Ugh. Just so you all know, running would not be the way to go. Do yourselves a favor and remember that when we all plan our deaths, don't make running the way we die. It's just not worth it!

My Proposition

2010-08-15T09:01:00.001-07:00

Everyone has their free agency. Everyone has their issues too; whether it be addiction, depression, anxiety, or any other number of things. With that free agency we are free to decide if that addiction or other problem is going to rule our life or not. As I have mentioned in my previous blogs, I firmly believe I have an addiction to food. When I am tired, I eat. When I am bored, I eat. At family functions, I eat until I am beyond stuffed, then I eat more because it tastes good. I have always tried many ways to succeed in kicking this habit and I have been sort of successful on many occasions. But, usually, I end up losing my motivation, mainly because I don't feel I am worth fighting for. My friends, my kids, my family, my husband...those people are worth fighting for. But, for some reason, I struggle with that concept when it comes to myself.

The other day I had an epiphony while I was driving. If I can't stay motivated for myself, maybe I can stay motivated for someone else. No one else in my life has a weight problem that they are in a position to do anything about at the moment, so that is out the window. Then, I thought of one of my dear friends who is really struggling with their own addiction right now: alcohol and tobacco. Those are very powerful addictions as well, and maybe my friend would want to try to quit using those crutches in their life and I can stop using my crutches with them. So, I made a proposition to my friend the other night. Basically, the idea of my friend hurting their health by smoking and drinking really hurt me. I know how I felt when Mike and I were dating and I was trying to get him to quit those things. It was tough to stand there feeling helpless and watch him ruin his life. So, I helped him quit. Granted, things were different between me and Mike than they are between me and my friend. Nonetheless, my desire for them to quit is as strong as my desire was for Mike to quit. Why not use that desire to my own benefit as well?

My friend agreed to my proposition last night and we signed our own little contract. I was on Cloud Nine. If one of us messes up on our side, it allows the other to mess up on theirs. I certainly don't want to mess up on my side, thus allowing my friend a serving of alcohol or a cigarette. We are doing this through the end of the year. It's our Good Health Contract. It is my hope that if we are successful through the end of the year, those cravings won't be so strong for either of us and we will be able to move ahead on our own. If not, maybe we will write up another contract--who knows. In the meantime, if I can't stay motivated for myself, I know I can stay motivated for my friend. In a small way, my friend's life may depend on it. I know, I know it's a big commitment--for both of us really. But, my friend is worth it. I am worth it.

My Clean House...or Not

2010-08-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

I grew up in a very strictly-clean house. My mom ran it like a museum, teaching us from the very beginning to clean up after ourselves at every turn. We had rotating job charts, the "time-out basket" (a basket my mom would put our toys in for a week if she had to pick it up. We couldn't play with that toy until the week was done. Needless to say, the basket was usually pretty full.) Mom was a stickler for keeping a clean home, which certainly isn't a bad thing, but very difficult for us kids to live up to Mom's standards. I learned how to clean like a pro, and to this day, when I want to, I can clean a mean toilet. But, those are the key words: when I want to. Which is usually...never. Nada. Uh-uh. Not gonna do it. My siblings on the other hand, are a different story.

Caradon is a very neat and tidy person. Everything has it's place, everything needs to be in a certain order. But, she is not really "clean" either, at least not according to Mom's standards. On the surface everything looks good. "Blitzed" as Dad would call it. But, if you really look, she has just as much dust as I do, and her floors aren't always mopped like mine are never, and her toilet has only slightly less bite to it than mine. But, her beds are actually made, her dishes are always done, and her counters are always cleaned, and her laundry is ALWAYS done! That's Caradon's favorite chore, and mine as well. It takes the least amount of effort...that's why I like it. I am not sure why Caradon likes it.

Adam is the hyper version of my mom. If that's even possible. It's like he took everything she taught us and multiplied it by ten and added two. The man HATES dirt. On his mission, his companions called him Danny Tanner. Anyone who is familiar with the show "Full House" will understand that reference. Luckily for him, Katie, his wife, is on the same boat as he is, so they work well together as a team making sure their home is presentable and clean. Again, a really great thing! Just not the way I roll...

Then, there is little Samantha. I think she is a happy medium between Adam and Caradon. She is clean, and actually quite a little germ-o-phobe. But, at the same time, she doesn't have little kids to clean up after and all her housemates are adults, so I am willing to bet, they all work together well in cleaning. Hmmm, to be quite honest, I haven't been over to her house enough to give you an idea of what kind of housekeeper in general she is. Sorry, Sam, I will have to eventually work on that one! =)

As for me, well, I am the complete opposite of my mom, my siblings and everyone in the world combined when it comes to cleanliness. On the rare occasion when my house is actually presentable, it is very nice. I can remember one of those times back in Oregon. One of my best friends, Brianna, used to come over and hang out quite often. So, she saw the house in it's normal state. I can remember one day that she popped by after I had done a top-to-bottom scrubdown and it looked pretty dang good. She was in awe..."Wow, Lindsay, the house is really clean," was her comment. I laughed and then I thought, "How sad, Lindsay. You really need to clean the house more often so that you don't always have to warn people before they come in the door or apologize to them before they use your bathroom. You really should have some clean dishes on hand for people or actually have clean laundry for people to wear." But, then I remembered who I am, and I just shrugged. Eh, I'll do it tomorrow...maybe.

My Addiction

2010-08-09T09:47:00.001-07:00

I have decided to take my aunt's advice and not be so hard on myself...starting tomorrow. For now, I have to have one last blog in an attempt to kick myself in the butt toward success! Now, for those of you who know me, I tend to be a perfectionist in some aspects of my life. Grades are one of those areas--if I don't get A's, I get very hard on myself. Crafty stuff tends to be in one of those areas as well--I like the products of my hard labor to be beautiful and without obvious flaws. One area of my life, however, that does not fall into the perfectionist category is my weight loss.

Like most people who struggle with this, I tend to do really well for about two or three months. I stick to my exercise regime and my eating plan like glue, never wavering. But, for some reason, when I hit that twenty-pound mark, I most definitely start to waver. I don't even know why either! Maybe my subconscious says, "Okay, Lindsay, enough is enough. You can't possibly do this so don't even try!" It's very frustrating, because in my heart I know I can do it. Heck, if I can give birth to four children, I can do anything! I have reached that wall again, just like always. Runners talk all the time about "runner's walls". Those are these blocks that you hit when your body finally can't go anymore. But, most runners would also agree that those "walls" are very much psychological, and you would be surprised what you could actually do if you just push yourself through those walls. I have hit my wall in the food area of my life, and even though it's all completely psychological, that addiction to food is very strong and very real. And, I don't use the term addiction lightly. I am fully aware of what that means and it is very applicable to me.

So, what am I trying to say here? I don't really even know...I shouldn't be hard on myself. I am a beautiful person, with lots of good qualities. I'd like to think I would have a full room of people at my funeral someday. But, I also want to be able to not rely on food for my happiness or my release of boredom. I don't want it to be all I think about from the moment I wake up each day until the moment I fall asleep. That's definitely something I would like to be a perfectionist about...I'll work on that.

My Foot

2010-08-07T13:04:00.001-07:00

Man, I don't know what I did, but I have been in a funk, and I think the culprit is my foot. I woke up early on Monday morning to go running--a really quick one, only two miles. I started to notice that my left foot was hurting, but not enough to REALLY notice, ya know? But, I welcomed the break from running on Tuesday and that evening, Mike rubbed my feet for me. It was the ball of my foot, on the outer edge. It felt a little tight still, so he rubbed it which seemed to make it feel better. But, the next morning, I woke up and got out of bed to run again, and I almost collapsed when I stepped onto the carpet because of the pain in my foot. I couldn't believe how painful it was! When I would try to stretch my feet and toes out, I couldn't do it for fear of screaming and waking everyone in the house. I was really bummed because I was really looking forward to my run.

So, I sat around all day being incredibly lazy and really unproductive and it got me into a funk. My house was a wreck (which isn't unusual, so that shouldn't have any effect on me anymore) and I had to keep ice on my foot and take Advil. Poor little Audrey always has way too much responsibility on her on an everyday basis, let alone when Mom is incapacitated! She was a tremendous help, though, as were all the kids. I sure am blessed! Anyway, every day has been slightly better and this morning I was able to walk on it almost completely fine without any abnormal feelings. Needless to say, though, the funk, mixed with the lack of exercise, and the upcoming visit from Aunt Flo did nothing good for my neverending quest to lose weight! I put the scale in the closet. Not even going there! =)

My Countdown

2010-07-29T06:50:00.000-07:00

This morning, like the psycho I am lately, I ran three miles. To some, this may not seem like a lot, but from the moment I dragged my sorry butt out of bed, through the moments of sluggishly getting dressed and out the door, I knew that this was going to be the longest three miles of my life. All right, maybe that is a stretch, but pretty darn near the longest! I started out strong. My first mile was around 10:30! Not bad for me! Then, I started to slow down. And, I really mean slow...down... My next mile was about 12:30 and the next was close to 13 simply because I walked a lot of it.

My countdown is to my half marathon in October. I have a little over 90 days to get myself ready for it, and quite frankly, I don't know if I will be ready! My time is declined quite significantly over the past few weeks, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. Is it because I am not cross training enough? Do I need to get back on my weight lifting routine with Jillian? Do I need to eat a banana as I go out the door in the morning or maybe carbo load the night before? Whatever it is, I had better find out soon, because the countdown is on, baby! 90 days to go! I had better be ready!

My Eyebrows

2010-07-28T08:25:00.001-07:00

Well all, I have decided on another topic of discussion today...my eyebrows. As most of you know, I rarely wear makeup except at church. So, if you only see me at church, you might think I always wear makeup. But, I don't. And because I don't, you must know as well that my eyebrows are so blonde, you cannot hardly see them unless you look closely. It is the same way for my leg hair, but that is an entirely different topic of conversation.

Anyway, starting back at the beginning of June, I have been dying my eyebrows about every three weeks so I don't have to use eyebrow pencil anymore and so that even when I am not wearing makeup, my eyes will still stick out and be obvious. Well, I have done it professionally (with a wax as well) once and I have done it myself (with a wax as well) twice. Yesterday was my second time and I think I messed it up royally. I really did a number on my eyebrows. The wax wasn't too hot or anything, but I think I scrubbed the dye off my skin so hard that some of the skin actually came off with the dye. Then, on top of that I did the wax to get the stray hairs, which can't be good for open sores! There's also little stray dots of wax around my eyes that I can't get off, even on my eyelashes. The skin around the dyed brows is so red, it makes me look like a babushka or a bushman. It's horrible.

Luckily, this morning it looks a little better and the redness has gone down a little bit, but it still hurts like the dickens. So, the moral of the story is: Don't ever let me dye and wax your eyebrows. You WILL be sorry! =)

My Beautiful Children

2010-07-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

I realized that I haven't written in a while and I had promised myself that I wouldn't let significant amounts of time go between writings. So, I decided that I had better get on the boat. However, to be honest, I don't feel any good stories coming to me. I could tell you all about my camping trip over the Pioneer weekend, but I don't have the energy. I could tell you how running this morning felt like I was dragging one-ton weights on each foot, but I persevered, even though my time is getting steadily worse. Again, no energy. So, I decided to write about my beautiful children. Now, I use the word beautiful, but that's because I am their mom and I feel very biased. I will let you decide for yourselves...

Audrey is nine-years-old, going on about 30. I swear, she is me incarnate with a bit of Caradon thrown in for good measure. But, I pray for her sake that she will not put herself through what I did at her age. She is tall and slender and very sweet. She is always thinking of other people, always trying to make life easier for everyone. She gets that one from her dad, I can't rightly take credit for that trait. Here she is at her third-grade play. She had a few lines in it and her little chimes group played a few songs. She is very talented, a wonderful singer, and shows some interest in sports...we will see if that persists. She is pretty well-liked at school and she is extremely smart. What a wonderful kid!

Then, there is my Dallin. This was the most attractive picture I could find of him, wouldn't you say? We are quite the pair. Dallin is his dad's shadow. Whenever Mike is home, Dallin follows him around to the point where he will run right into him if Mike stops walking abruptly. It's kind of cute. I can't say Mike would agree, but he loves hanging out with Dallin just the same. Dallin is also very smart. He is a good friend to all the kids in school and he has a great sense of humor. He has a gentle heart, but sometimes he lets it get the best of him and he cries a lot over not so important stuff. I am sure that is something that will get better as he gets older. He is most definitely my favorite son by far!

Okay, here is Emma...again, the most attractive picture I could find. Emma is quite the drama queen. She loves to do anything imagination-oriented. She plays dress-up, dolls, puts on plays, does gymnastics, digs for gold...all the wonderful things a little girl should do! Emma has quite a temper along with all those great characterisitics. We have had to put together a scream chart to get her to not freak out over the tiniest things. She is a wonderful big sister to Claire and she has a very loving heart. I do fear that she may be my most difficult teenager to deal with, but I'll deal with it as it comes, I suppose.

Finally, our little Claire Bear. She is the youngest and last member of the Mike Jenkins family, so needless to say, she gets a little spoiled. Not even necessarily by me, though! She tends to get it from all her siblings as well as her dad too! She is very sweet. She is funny and quite the ham, always looking for ways to get a laugh out of everyone. She is full of cute little Claire-isms and even with her jumbled words, she gets her point across without much trouble. She is finally getting the hang of potty training which is quite the milestone for me! No more diapers for the first time in ten years!! As she is sitting here next to me, she is whispering in my ear that she doesn't like corn dogs. Just so you all know...! She also has an adorable lisp that, as cute as it is, will hopefully go away soon. What a cutie patootie!

Well, that wraps up today's post. I hope it is as entertaining to read as it was to write.

My 5.6 Pounds

2010-07-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

I have decided that losing weight is what keeps me motivated. Every time I go to one of my meetings and I haven't lost anything, I start to feel discouraged. For the last month and a half, I have been gaining or staying the same. Since we got back from California, I have gained back eight of the pounds I had worked so hard to lose. I was starting to lose all hope. Then, after running my 10K last week, I decided to sign up for the half-marathon. Doing that made something click inside my brain. I know that if I expect myself to do well at ALL in this half-marathon, then I need to start eating right. So, all last week I really tried hard to do a good job. I will admit, I messed up more times than I would have liked, but I was active, I ate the best that I could most of the time and I drank tons of water. I also started training for the half in October.

This morning I went out on a two-mile run before my meeting, and for some reason, it was a little harder than usual. I pushed myself and I am proud to say that I ran the whole thing. But, when I got back I could feel my heart beating inside my head and my skin was so hot, I think the sweat coming off my forehead might have turned into steam directly on contact. If it didn't, it got soaked into my nice, wet bandana I was wearing. At least that kept my head kind of cool. It also didn't help that it was already really hot at 6:15 in the morning. But, nonetheless, I trucked through it. Then, I went to my meeting with Carina. We both had a great weigh-in, me at 5.6 lost and she had lost 4 pounds! We are neck in neck on our weight now, and I am so proud of both of us!

Well, enough ranting. Now, I have to go work in my front yard for a while before it gets too hot. Mother, you should be proud and you can stop nagging me now. Hope everybody has a great day!!

My Cleaning Plan

2010-07-15T08:03:00.001-07:00

Today I am attempting to get the entire house clean with the help of six kids who really enjoy complaining and whining. So, I am embarking on a bribery plan that my mother would be proud of! I have taken piles of spare change that we have laying around the house and gave them each a pile of coins adding up to $2.00 each. We are all going to clean each room at the same time, and if they complain, even if it's an "Awwww," made into three syllables, they lose 25 cents. They will have a chance to earn it back with extra jobs, but it will require a little extra work. Once we are done cleaning, we are going to walk to 7-Eleven or Ream's and they can spend their money on whatever they want, after paying tithing of course (that one will be for my own kids). We will see how this plan goes. I will let you all know.

As for me and my training, I am doing well. Today is my rest day, and I am taking full advantage of that. Of course, I am cleaning my entire house, so I am still going to burn a few calories, but no weight lifting, no running. Yesterday I ran two miles again. Seriously, folks, I felt like I was dragging twenty pound weights on each foot. It was really hard for me to get going yesterday. I think that was because I had gone to bed really late the night before. As I said in one of my previous blogs, I really need to get to bed fairly early at night so that I am not completely useless the next day. But, on that note, I still managed to run the full two miles without stopping to walk, and I did it in 22:34. Pretty good considering how tired I was and how heavy my feet felt! At least I am going to live to run another day. Wish me luck!

My First Official Day of Training

2010-07-12T08:35:00.000-07:00

Well, for those of you who don't know, I have decided to do something outrageous and daring, exciting and crazy, and did I mention dangerous and death-defying? Yes, folks, I have decided to run a half-marathon. This decision came about after about a year of toying with the idea. So, now that I have run four 5Ks, 1 10K, and 1 15K, a half-marathon seemed like the next logical step. If you would like to be there when I hobble over the finish line, it will be in Provo, October 30th, 2010, at the Shops at Riverwoods. I will even be in costume, courtesy of my good friend, Steve "Newman" Daskam. Luckily, I will be running it with my good friend, Kim, and hopefully my good friend, Becky.

This morning, you will be proud to know that I ran two miles while I left Audrey in charge. For those of you who have read my blog about her growing up too fast, you will see how dedicated I truly am to have been willing to run for 23 minutes with her in charge all by herself. But, she diligently sat at the front window and waved to me every 4 minutes and 10 seconds when I ran past. There was even some stray dog that joined me on my run...pretty much the whole thing! When I got done and I was on my front sidewalk stretching, he tried to lick my face numerous times, and even ripped my earphones out in his excitement. It was a great start to this incredible journey that I am about to embark on. I am really excited.

Please refrain from discouraging words, at least out loud, to me! =) I need as much postivity as I can get. But, obviously, there is no need for me to say that, considering how everyone has been so incredibly supportive of me and my crazy endeavors. I love you all! Wish me luck!

My 10K

2010-07-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

I ran six miles this morning. Don't ask me why. I don't know. But, all that running gave me a lot of time to think about things. I am going to wax philosophical for a little while, so bear with me. Before I do, though, I have to toss in a few random facts. The race I ran, although advertised as a 10K, was at the very least an 11K. Do they make those? My iFit said I finished the 10K 8 minutes earlier than the time clock at the finish line. I am going with my iFit. Of course, I was not really trying for a time, perse, since this was my first 10K. But, I would like to have a small time so I can challenge myself for next time. The other fact is that one should never eat a large berry smoothie before a big race especially when one's body is used to running on an empty stomach. NEVER change things up before a race. That's just pure stupidity. With that said, I didn't puke at miles 3 and 4 like I felt like I was going to. So that's good. On to the philosophical!

Even though this was a short race compared to a marathon, or even a half marathon, I decided I would devote my miles to people in my life. I know, usually this is something done on longer races, but I had to give myself stuff to think about while I was running. So, I devoted each mile to certain people and it helped the time to go faster. The first mile, I devoted to Carina and Kim. They are two of my best friends and my partners in weight loss and exercise. They keep me going day in and day out and if it weren't for them, I would have quit a long time ago. They are both beautiful, strong women who make the world a better place just being in it. Don't even get me started on how much better it is because of what they do. So, Carina...Kim...the first mile was for you guys. I love you beautiful ladies!

Mile Two was for Becky. Even though she was a good 16 minutes ahead of me(in the first five minutes, mind you. How is that even possible?) she has been with me in nearly every race I have ever done. Since the very first unofficial one we ran with her stake way back in the day when all this was beginning. When was that even? I think Fall of 2008? I can't remember, I am getting old. Becky, you are my best friend, and I don't know what I would do without you and your gentle (or not so gentle if the situation requires it) prodding toward making myself better. I am sure you know all this, but it doesn't hurt to say it. I know, I know, you are NOT a...what's the word? Emotional? Writer...but I am, so deal with it. I love ya forever!

Mile Three was for my Addie. He was the one who got me started on all of this. Adam, if it wasn't for your inspiration in doing a triathlon and running all these races, I wouldn't have been where I am now. A slow, diligent jogger. Hey, I started out as a turtle. Literally, I think one passed me once, so a slow diligent jogger is a really good thing. You are my little brother, yet there are so many times where I have needed advice from someone wiser than me and you are always the one I turn to. Crazy how that works. I love you and I am so lucky to have you as a brother. I love your little family too. You guys are awesome!

Mile Four was for the rest of my family as a whole. Sorry, guys, someday when I run a marathon, I will have more miles to devote to each of you, but this time around you all get Mile Four. To my kids, you guys are the reason I get up and run every day. I know how important it is for me to be around for a while, so I am going to do my best to be healthy so I can be with you guys. You four are my life and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank my Father in Heaven for you. My parents, I love you so much. I am so grateful for all the support you have given me throughout my life, even during my teenage years, when I am sure you were ready to kill me many times. Thanks for letting me live. And, thank you for always watching me twirl and helping me to get back up when I fell. See, how bad I am? I am sitting here crying as I type. Pathetic. Caradon, you were my first best friend in this world, and that has never changed. I remember writing in my diary when you left for college about how badly I missed you and wished you were there to help me deal with life. Thanks for always being there for me, whether it's to vent, to laugh with, or to cry with. I couldn't have asked for a better sister. Sam, you know how I feel about you, so I don't need to get too blubbery on this one. Thank you so much for being there when I got to the finish line this morning. It was nice to see your smiling, albeit odd-looking, face when I huffed and puffed my way over the blue mats. You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever known and I am honored to call you my sister.

Mile Five: To the most wonderful person in this entire world. I am not even joking about this one people. To my love, my best friend, my punching bag, my solace, my confidante, my everything, my husband. I know I don't tell you enough, but I love you so much. If it hadn't been for you, I would not be the person I am today. You have been there with me through thick and thin, everything that has ever happened that was good in my life has been because of you. Mike Jenkins, you are my life and I love you.

Mile Six: This last one was for me and my Father in Heaven. These are the only two people who can REALLY make me do what I have done in my life. And, even then, I know that Heavenly Father doesn't make anyone do anything. That is why we are here, to choose the direction our life is going to go, hopefully not making TOO many mistakes along the way. I am grateful for the strength I have received from Heavenly Father, especially at the times when I thought I might die or at least puke on mile three and four. It's so nice to know that the gospel is there to guide us and that our Father in Heaven always loves us unconditionally even through out stupid mistakes. As for me, I have a long way to go. But, I have come a really long way as well, and I am proud of that.

To the rest of you that I love so much...if I had had more miles, you definitely would have been there on my list. But, thankfully I didn't have any more miles. If I had, you may very well have been at my funeral! Someday, when I am a stronger person than I am now, and I finally fulfill my bucket list with a half marathon, or even a marathon if I am feeling especially ambitious, rest assured that you will be on my mile list. For now, just know how much I love all of you and how grateful I am for you. Now, everyone, go out and run at least a mile for me. Believe it or not, it really does feel great!

My Gross Gorilla

2010-07-08T11:55:00.000-07:00

We went to the zoo on Monday. Mike had it off and since we love spur-of-the-moment outings, we decided to go. It was very crowded and fun, but it was a long day. We saw all kinds of animals, and the kids were having a great time. The most fun they had, though, was in the gorilla house. Now, keep in mind, a lot of scientists believe we are descended from these powerful and majestic creatures, but I think what I am about to tell you might make them change their minds.

We were all vying to get in front of one of the windows, and our family happened to be in the exact right spot to notice a very large, male gorilla. He was standing directly in front of our window, but his back was to us, so we could only see his profile if he looked to the side. He was very entertaining, but what was most entertaining was what he proceeded to do next. He squatted down, reached his extra long arm under his buttocks, and proceeded to poop into his hand. Now, this action most definitely got the kids laughing. Even Mike was almost rolling on the floor.

What happened next, though, caused the laughing to stop momentarily and our jaws to drop to the floor. He took that fresh pile of warm, gooey, green poo and proceeded to take a nice, big bite. Yum. We could not believe our eyes. What was worse, was that he kept on eating it! Then, he did it a second time! We were all in hysterics at this point. We went outside the house where our friends were waiting for us. We shared the story with them, and Anthony said, "It kind of makes you wonder...what are they feeding him that he would rather eat his own poo rather than the food they give him?" We all shook our heads in wonderment. Chew on that one for a while.

My Failure

2010-07-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

I have decided that in order to be fully honest on my blog, I need to share my failures as well as my victories. But, don't get too familiar with these failure stories, because being that I am pretty darn near perfect, there won't be many more! =) Ha ha... Anyway, there is a statement that I have been saying for a while now inside my head, but I have never said it out loud until this morning. I hate it when I lose control. That's it. That's the statement.

Now, in order to fully understand this story, you have to understand that since I got back from California on the 15th of June, I have been having a very lax attitude toward my Weight Watchers plan and I haven't been following it the way I should have. Every day, I have been screwing up royally at the end of the day, only to tell myself right before bed that I will do better tomorrow. Then, tomorrow comes, and no such luck. I always think to myself that I HATE it when I do this, but I never do anything about it.

Well, at my last weigh-in, I had gained another 2 1/2 pounds, so I made a resolution that at the next weigh-in I have, I would like to have lost at least 3 pounds. You see, that 2 1/2 pounds added into the 5 that I had already gained over the month of June. So, I am up to a grand total of 8 of my hard-earned losses going down the drain. So, I vowed things would be different.

So, Saturday was great. I resisted all kinds of temptations, Sunday was great and Monday started out great. Until dinner. I don't know what changed inside my head. I remember thinking as I was eating a scrumptious Asiago cheese bagel from Harmon's (not as good as Einstein's, but a close second) that I had already screwed up and I might as well eat whatever I wanted that I wouldn't be able to when I "got back on track tomorrow." What a laugh, I think, as I am sitting here shaking my head. I proceeded to eat enchiladas, chips and salsa, chips and spinach-artichoke dip, candy, popcorn with garlic butter (which wasn't very good by the way) and sushi. It was pretty bad. Afterwards, I felt like a pathetic, bloated blob and I wasn't proud of myself in any way, shape, or form like I had been on Saturday and Sunday. I had even run/walked five miles that morning and walked around the zoo for three hours! Who does all that only to completely screw themselves later? Only me, it seems....Okay, that's probably not true, but when you screw up like that you tend to think that you are the only failure in the world.

Okay, the point of this story is not to depress any of you or to make myself feel bad. The point of this story is that if I hold myself accountable and know that people that I care about are going to know this about me, maybe I will be more likely not to mess up next time. I have made the resolution that the horrible feeling I felt last night is not one I ever want to feel again. I HATE LOSING CONTROL OF MYSELF LIKE THAT. Wish me luck for the future!

My Insight

2010-07-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had a fun BBQ at my sister, Caradon's, house. We went swimming, we ate good food and we lit some fun fireworks. Let me elaborate on all of these:

First, the swimming. To put it nicely, I hate going to swimming pools. For one thing, there are too many people who are obviously in love with their bodies. Now, this wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if they weren't narcissistic about them as well! Women who walk, hips swaying, only three little pieces of fabric covering their you-know-whats in the front and an even smaller piece covering the back. It's a little scary. I almost feel like I need to cover my innocent children's eyes to preserve their childhood! Then, there's the men who have spent the past half hour flexing to get their veins bulging just so they can walk out into the pool area hoping and praying some pretty girl with the least amount of fabric will look, maybe nod, give a comment, something!

Then, there's me. Now, I don't feel as bad about myself as I used to wearing a swimsuit. Granted, I have a while to go before I reach my ideal, but I have come a long way from where I used to be. But, buying a cheap swimsuit, let me tell you, is not a good idea. I bought this suit last summer and it did me well that year. But, this year, after pulling it out of the mothballs, for some reason it has stretched beyond recognition. It's fine when it's dry, but as soon as I jump into the water and get it wet, and then climb out of the pool, the little skirt part of it hangs down to just below my knees. It's one of those tankinis. The fact that my skirt hangs down so far wouldn't have been a bad thing in 1910, but nowadays, I'd probably get more wondering stares than those people flaunting body parts that ought not to be flaunted! So, I ended up walking around most of the day with my skirt in a wad in my fist so it wasn't hanging down to my ankles (which was the case at the end of our little jaunt.)

Besides the fact that I lost Dallin at least three times during this outing, and the fact that Claire clung to me for dear life until she finally braved the wading pool 45 minutes into it, the day was fun (except for the horrible eye "candy" in the form of the narcissistic 20-somethings.)

Then, there was the barbecue. There isn't much to report here except that I ate well for the first time in weeks! I didn't give into the fudgsicles, or the crab salad, and I ate a gardenburger without a bun instead of a hamburger! I gorged on watermelon, and ate my two-point-per-cup-fruit-salad that was delicious. I was very proud of myself for the first time in weeks yesterday. In part, I was helped by a quote my sister had taped to her wall. Maybe it will help some of you as well. It goes like this:

A commitment is the honoring of a decision. When you are commited, you allow nothing to deter you from reaching your goal. You are disciplined even when you are not feeling motivated. Discipline is the ability to carry out a resolution long after the mood has left you. Making a commitment is being willing to put forth all your efforts and taking responsibility for the outcome.

Isn't that great? Overall, I had a fun Fourth of July Celebration. I hope everyone else did as well and realizes how blessed we are to be a part of such an amazing and free country. Love you all!

My Willpower

2010-07-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

I have decided that willpower is either non-existent or highly and completely rare. For me, it is pretty much non-existent. Not only in the obvious things like food consumption, but in the less obvious things like going to bed at a decent time. Lately, I have been staying up way too late and sleeping in as late as I can. This leads to several problems. Let me elaborate.

Last night I decided it would be great fun to stay up until almost 1 in the morning playing on my computer. Is this productive? No. Do I care? ...ummmm....no. I was just enjoying my rare quiet time and until I beat a game on my computer, I tend to play it constantly.

I knew in the back of my mind that it was my goal in the morning to wake up before the kids and do my 15-minute jog that I mentioned in my previous blog. But, my game was more important to me at the moment. It's always that way...what's more important to me at the moment is usually what happens without any thought for the future. Finally I dragged my overly wide rear end to bed and fell into a deep slumber with my usual strange dreams. I won't go into those in this blog, we'll save that for another very entertaining one.

This morning during one of those said dreams, I start to hear the rumble of a large truck. My eyes flashed open and I realized that, like all other past weeks, Mike forgot to put the garbage on the curb. So, I jumped out of bed about as fast as Sid the Sloth on Ice Age, or in our family, Sam the Sloth. I whipped on my old kimono that I stole from my parents at the tender age of ten when we had a Japanese exchange student staying with us for a year. I ran to the front door and out into the driveway arms waving, robe flapping behind me. Actually, it wasn't quite that dramatic. I had one arm very tightly holding my robe shut. Don't worry, I'm most definitely not an exhibitionist! Luckily the garbage man saw the highly disheveled, frantic woman with the hair sticking in every direction, much like my youngest's constant stylish look. He took sympathy for me and stopped the truck to wait for me to bring him the can. I felt like Cinderella running down the stairs, "Wait, wait, please! May I try it on?" Except much less gracefully and there was nothing in this whole scenario that I wanted to try on.

I went back into the house and climbed back into bed. You'd think I would have learned my lesson, but my pillows were calling to me and my eyes were having trouble staying open. My idea of running this morning had already run out my window and was halfway around the block by now. I fell back to sleep, resumed my strange dream and next thing I know, I am awakened by the doorbell. CRAP! My daycare kids were there, meaning it was around 9:15 in the morning and I still had not dragged my sorry butt out of bed. Neither had my kids, surprisingly. I put on my trusty kimono again and let them in. "The kids are downstairs," I said. They promptly went down to visit and get the rabbits while I jumped (albeit, very slowly) into the shower in an attempt to wake myself for the day.

Now, the question is: Will I remember this little lesson tonight when I am tempted to sit in front of my computer until 1 in the morning? Or, will I only choose what seems important to me now without regard to what I am really going to want or need in the future. Let's hope for the best, but only time will tell!

My Daughter is Growing Up Too Fast!

2010-06-30T08:08:00.000-07:00

So, I thought I would try something new this morning. I decided to test the responsibility of my nine-year-old-going-on-forty-year-old and leave her home alone with the kids while I ran around the block over and over. Now, granted, I had timed myself and I knew that I would be passing the house every 4 minutes and 10 seconds, but I was still worried. Nonetheless, I decided I would give it a try for 30 minutes. The kids were all still asleep, what could really go wrong? Right?
So, I strapped on my running shoes, put in my iPod, and started my jaunt. Now, I knew deep inside that the kids were all sound asleep in their beds. I had locked the bolt lock behind me and I had my keys in my hand. But, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to happen while I was gone. Maybe Claire would have a nightmare and wake up screaming. Audrey would have to wait a full 4 minutes and 10 seconds before I could get there to comfort her! I kept running, but now I figured I would limit my run to 25 minutes.
Then, as I continued to run past a neighbor's house, their sprinkler splashed my ankles. A fresh thought came to mind: What if for some reason the house randomly flooded? A lot of damage could happen in 4 minutes and 10 seconds! I kept running, but decided that 20 minutes might be more realistic.
As I kept running, listening to a little Imogen and feeling the wind blowing on my face, a new thought came to my mind. What if all of a sudden this wind gets really strong and blows a tree over onto my roof? What if my kids are pinned under it and they can't breathe for 4 minutes and 10 seconds? A lot of brain damage could happen in that amount of time!
I rounded the fourth corner and came into sight of my house. Okay, things looked good. Audrey wasn't peeking out the front window waiting for my arrival, so maybe I can make another lap, but I think I will cut my run to fifteen minutes instead. That seems more realistic for the first time of her being in charge. I continued to run.
Then, a new thought came to mind as my lungs finally gave out on me and I started to walk. What if someone breaks into my open-a-crack front window?! At that very moment, some stranger could be trudging through my home, searching for expensive items to steal (which he wouldn't find) or yummy food to eat (which he also wouldn't find). Or, maybe he was looking for innocent children to kidnap who have been left with their nine-year-old-going-on-forty-year-old sister by a mother who cares more about running than protecting her children!!!! Those he would have found! I sped up my walking.
I looked down at my time keeper and realized that I was almost at 10 minutes. I think that would be enough for the day. I came around that final corner to my house, standing quietly, bolt lock still locked, children still sleeping peacefully. Ah, justification, it's a good thing. Next time, I will do fifteen minutes, I think. But, for today, my daughter is still not quite ready to watch her siblings by herself for very long, right? Right? Or, is it me who's not ready for her to be ready? Either way, ten minutes felt like a hundred. Baby steps.

My New Beginning

2010-06-29T20:18:00.001-07:00

I figure "A New Beginning" should be an aptly-named title for today's blog for many reasons. One, because it's been a year and a half since I have written last and it would be ridiculous to even attempt to fit all that's happened into one blog. And, two, because I am using this blog now, not only for my family news, but also for my own personal journey that I have embarked on many times. The end result of that journey, so far, has been incredibly elusive, but I am inching ever closer, it's just taking me forever to do it.
Anyone who knows me, knows what that journey is and has been for most of my life. Maybe the reason I am not succeeding is because deep in my subconscious, I would be afraid to know what my life would be like if I didn't have to be on this never-ending roller coaster that I call weight loss. Why is it so important to me in the first place? Is it because of the constant reminding from my dear mommy that I should be weighing less? Is it society's idea of how a woman should look that affects me so much? Is it that I want to be an example to my own daughters? Or, does it just boil down to the plain, simple, and ugly truth that is...VANITY? I don't know. Whatever the reason is, I am on this ride until the end whether I like it or not. Maybe once I reach my destination, I will create a new ride for myself, but until then, I am on the weight loss ride.
So, here I sit. Wearing my "Truffle Shuffle" T-shirt, so indicative of the way I feel most of the time. Looking out the window at the night sky knowing that I should be out there running. But, instead I am posting a new blog, with the justification in my mind that I already walked for an hour today to the library and back. Plus, I have to start sometime, don't I?
So, here's my plan. My original inspiration started with a book called "Running With Angels" written by Pam Hansen. She wrote about her journey to lose over 100 pounds after losing two children. She decided to run a marathon. My new book of inspiration to add to my mental shelf is called "A Non-Runner's Marathon Guide for Women" by Dawn Dais. It is a fricking hilarious book, and if anyone wants to read a book that would inspire them to at least enjoy the idea of running, this is the book for them. This woman has a sense of humor that is sarcastic as any and I thoroughly enjoy that. Again, those who know me even a little know that sarcasm is the best form of humor in my opinion. The dedication in her book, though, is what really caught my eye. It is a very serious and touching dedication, probably to balance out the humorous content of the book. It says, "For my grandfather, who never could have finished a marathon, and who never would have doubted for one second that I could."
Here it is again: If you know me at all, you know that not only am I a sarcastic person, I am also a very emotional person and I love my grandfather very much. I love all my grandparents, but my Papa holds a special place in my heart that has ached for him since the day he died almost nineteen years ago. Maybe if I dedicate my journey to him, I would do better.
Every day, I will try to write in this blog. Let's see how long this new resolution lasts! It might be about my training for the day. It might be about the family and what we are up to, or it just might be about what I had for breakfast. Whatever I write about, I truly hope today's entry will, in fact, be a new beginning.

Halloween Part 2

2008-11-03T15:40:00.000-08:00

Dallin decided to be a scary ghost. Adam thinks he looks like a dead choirboy. How rude, Adam! Ü He looked cute as ever. He was so excited to go to school in his outfit and the school had a little parade that both he and Audrey were in. One of these days I will be a good mom and actually go. Emma was a cute little Tinkerbell, and Claire was a pot of Hunny. She was the most adorable pot of hunny you have ever seen! I am purposely misspelling honey to give it the right effect. We went to Daddy's work and had a little celebration there. They were doing trick-or-treating and had a room with food and games. We took Lacey, one of my daycare girls with us and we had a lot of fun. There isn't much else to tell. I hope everyone had as nice of a Halloween as we did! See you again soon.

Halloween

2008-11-03T15:34:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Well, another Halloween has come and gone, and what a success it was. I admit, I have lost my patience with finding candy wrappers everywhere I look, but if that's all I have to deal with, I will do it with pleasure. My kids got to go trick-or-treating with their daddy which they loved! They haven't been able to do that since 2006! This was Emma's first year, and I can tell the bug has been planted with her. I am doing what my mom used to do and after picking a few things for myself, I have let them have free rein on their candy. They know that once it's gone, it's gone and if they get sick, too bad for them! Ü

This year, Audrey wanted to be Cruella DeVil. Being that we don't ever have any money, I had to make do with what I had. I let her use my black dress which we pinned to fit. She wore her own tights and shoes, and we agreed that Cruella could forgo her fur this time. I know, I know, she's not Cruella unless she is draped in fur, but we couldn't find any. So, the hair had to do the trick!

Our Trip to Logan

2008-10-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

Well, we have been back from Logan for a few days now. I am kind of wishing I was back there (no Sam, not so I can be with you) so my mom can watch my kids for me. It's amazing how fast they grow up, yet how slow they grow up. It's kind of funny. We had a really nice weekend. We went on a walk through the pumpkins that locals had carved to create scenes from movies, TV, etc. It was pretty neat. On Saturday night, Mike watched the kids so Mom, Sam, and I could go on a girl's night out. We went into an adult store. Yes, Mom, I am giving away the fact that you were curious. Caradon and Sam are the only ones who read this anyway. Sam didn't have her ID, so she couldn't go in the "back." Don't worry, you weren't missing anything. We also went to Bluebird Cafe to have ice cream, and we saw the move "Ghost Town." If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.

I can't think of anything else to add. So, for now I am going to part since it is late and I have to wake up extra early to go to the gym. I will talk to everyone later!

Starting this thing!

2008-10-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

Hi all! I am now going to join the ranks of the "bloggers" out there and open up my world for everyone to see. I guess it's somewhat similar to Facebook, but anyone can look at it. Things in our lives are going well. Mike is continuing work at Wheeler Machinery, and enjoying it for the most part. He is having trouble with the politics of being in management, but I think with time, he will learn to make things work. His biggest issue is learning how to let things not affect him personally and letting things roll off his back. That will come with time, I hope! During his spare time, he loves being out in his garage even if it's just cleaning. He tries to get sleep when he can, but it's pretty rare since when he's here, the kids are all over him trying to get his attention. Audrey recently turned eight and was baptised! We were all so excited. It was a great program, lots of planning on my part, but everything went smoothly. She was thrilled to be an official member and lots of her friends and family came to join us. She didn't really have a big party since we had the baptism, but we had a family party after the event and celebrated both her and Emma's birthdays. I can't believe my baby is eight years old! It seems like it wasn't really that long ago she was born, and then that we moved to Utah when she was still three. Hard to believe that as well. She is enjoying 2nd grade and thriving as expected. She is reading on a fourth grade level, and everything else on a fifth grade level. I am extremely proud of her. We just finished reading "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and we are trying to decide what to read next.
Dallin has started Kindergarten, and he is really liking it a lot. He is slowly learning his letters, but excels in math and numbers. We had some behavioral issues at the beginning, but with time and a chart at home, we are improving in leaps and bounds in that area. He has made a few friends, but has trouble remembering their names. His teacher is Miss Gifford and he really likes her a lot. I am grateful for that. He tries to be helpful at home, and does a good job making sure his dog, Turbo, is fed every day. Again, another child I can't believe is five and a half already!
Emma just turned three on the 22nd of September. We are working on potty training, but not having much success. Even candy and a star chart aren't helping! I keep thinking I need to just let her decide when she is ready, but in the meantime, I just need to be patient. She is such a sweet little girl for the most part, always trying to fit in with her big brother and sister. I have started watching two little girls every day, one of which is about a year older than her. They get along pretty well, so it's nice for Emma to have a friend to play with every day.
Claire, our baby, is 16 months old and finally walking! It took her a while to reach all the milestones, but she is thriving now. She loves to keep up with all her older siblings, and she is constantly smiling and bringing such a sweet spirit into our home! We love to have her around and love seeing her discover new things every day. She is learning words, and learning that all she has to do is scream her little banshee scream in order to get her way. We are trying to nip that one in the bud right now!
As for me, I am staying home yearning for something new. I love to be able to be with my kids, but I am itching to go back to school or something--something different. But, until that's possible, I am enjoying my daycare kids and keeping house. I love watching my kids grow and change every day, and I really enjoy our reading time together and our homework time. I also love to talk with friends and family on the phone as a means of a connection to the outside world, but since I don't have long distance, that's kind of hard. So, Mike and Samantha get called a lot since they are local numbers! Well, I think that's it for now. We are coming up on the holidays which we can't wait for. Then, Mike and I will be celebrating our ten-year anniversary in January! I can't believe how much has happened in ten years and how fast it's gone! I look forward to all the wonderful things yet to happen in the next ten years!