My Masters

It's 4:50 pm on a Wednesday night. My oldest daughter is sitting in the front room singing Christmas carols. My third child is in the kitchen slowly cutting carrots for a salad, probably with a butter knife. Who knows where my second and fourth kids are? Probably watching TV or (hopefully) reading. Mike is still hard at work, finishing up an engine and cleaning up to come home. Me? I'm sitting here at my computer typing in my electronic journal, wondering what I should say.

What should I be doing? Probably reading through the slides that are talking about international tax, or working through some example problems of corporate reorganizations. However, that is the last thing I want to be doing right now. In fact, I have been tempted multiple times to just throw that shiz in the air and walk away. Yes, I have three weeks until I am completely finished and yes, it would be stupid to walk away, but dang it all if I'm not on the verge.

After all, I have a job. I think I could scrape a C out of my classes without acing all the quizzes. That's passing, right? Sure! Yet, there's this stupid work ethic that's so ingrained into me, I can't even convince myself to walk away. I NEED As like I need air. It's weird. I've been a perfectionist all my life when it comes to grades, there's just no changing that part of me. So, instead, I will eventually make my way back to my slides and my spreadsheets mumbling the whole time about how much I need a break. Trust me, I REALLY need a break. I'll mutter to myself how it's only three more weeks, three more weeks, three more weeks.

Then, three weeks from now when the dust has settled, I'll look around and realize: I have a Master's degree. How many people can say that? Like, three percent of the population, maybe? I'll be able to breathe for a minute and realize that finally, after six long years, I am done with school. I'll never have to pick up another textbook again if I don't want to. However, that joy will be short-lived as I realize that I will need to pick up my textbook to study for the CPA exams. But, dang it all if I won't at least enjoy that one little moment when I can say, "Hey, I did it. I finished a damn Master's degree. What have you done with your life?"

My Transition (Utah Edition)

So, as anyone who knows me knows, we moved back to Utah.  This was a life decision that came on incredibly quickly, and before I even had a chance to blink, we were here.  It has been...CHAOS.  I have broken down into tears multiple, multiple times.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be back, but trying to get my kids and myself enrolled in school has been an absolute NIGHTMARE.  The moving part has been the easiest part.

I am excited to be back in our old home.  I miss Texas.  I wish I could move everyone I loved in Texas over here to Utah to be with me.  That would be ideal.  But, that can't happen, and that has been a hard lesson for my little Audrey to learn.  Last night she was in tears, and lots of them.  It reminded me of the conversation we had when we moved from Utah to Texas.  She felt the same way then.  It wasn't long before she had made new friends and was quite happy.  I know that will be the case here as well, but I also know it's going to take a bit longer because she is in high school now, and she was in elementary school when we moved to Texas.

Dallin is all registered for junior high and this morning I watched him walk away from me at his school and I was getting a little teary-eyed.  I keep praying that he will have fun and that he will make friends.  That is my main prayer: that he will make some really good friends that are a good influence.  But, it has always been hard for Dallin to make friends because he is very awkward socially.  I know that he will be all right too.  It's just hard for me, as a mom, not to physically walk with my kids to school every day and announce to all the other kids, "Hey, this is my kid!  This is a really cool kid!!"  I wish I could.

It has been an easy transition for Emma and Claire.  Although they miss people in Texas, they are excellent at making friends.  I know that it will be quick for them.  No problem.  As for me and Mike, well...we are good.  That's one nice thing about moving back somewhere that you lived for five years.  There are still lots of people around that you loved before and you can pick up where you left off.

There is this saying that goes, "You can't go home again."  Well, it is my goal to prove that saying wrong.  You can.  At least, I hope you can...

My Crazy Life

When was the last time I even wrote?  It's been a really long time.  Okay, I just looked, and it hasn't quite been a year yet, so it's not as bad as I thought.  So, onto things that have happened in the last year.

We went through the beginning of school and the holidays, of course.  School was actually really busy for me last Fall.  I was the Controller in the Accounting Society which kept me really busy.  Then, I was also pledging Beta Alpha Psi, which is a national honors organization for accounting students.  Then, of course, I was taking a full load of classes.  The kids were doing very well.  Audrey joined choir and orchestra and was in the drama club.  Dallin was in choir and enjoying his final year of elementary school.  Emma and Claire are constantly outside playing with friends and loving being so close in age.  The holidays came and went and we were busy as always.

In February, I started my internship at MCG and experienced my first "tax busy season".  It was very exhausting, working 60+ hours a week, not to mention the hour-long one-way drive every day.  I was pretty much non-existent to my family during that month and a half.  It kinda sucked, but it was a good chance for me to see what my future will be like.

We were trying to make a lot of life decisions about where we were supposed to end up because we still didn't feel completely content.  It still felt like we were just here staying for a little while and that eventually we would wake up and be home.  We were just having trouble figuring out where home was.  I tried to get a job in Oregon at Grant Thornton.  That didn't pan out, which bothered me at the time, but after doing my internship, made me grateful.  Big companies are not for me.

Mike got an offer at the Cat dealer in Oregon, but they were only willing to pay him $26 per hour, which is a full $5 per hour less than what he is making here.  He was pretty bummed out to have to turn that down, but we thought maybe that was because he was supposed to get the management job here that they had been promising him for over a year that he would get.  My internship was extended for the summer, so I have been continuing that two days a week, and spending the rest of the time with the kids.

I was also called as the Girls' Camp Director which really took a lot out of me.  It was months of preparation, fundraisers, trying to motivate girls that didn't want to be motivated... But, it was awesome because I got to know the girls and I got to spend some really great time with Audrey.  It was a nice bonding time for us.

Mike ended up not getting the job, and he was really upset.  To add insult to injury, we tried to sell the house in Utah, and the people who wanted to buy it wanted us to pay closing costs and replace the furnace and the AC, which added up to us bringing $11,000 to the table.  We couldn't afford that, so we told them no and they pulled out of the contract.  So, we were now stuck with an empty house, two house payments, and no idea what to do.  So, Mike called his old boss in Utah to see if there was any position available that he could have.  Turns out there is, and we both are pretty okay with the idea that we are going to move back into the house, fix it up, and then sell it ourselves after I get my Master's degree.

So, here it is June 30, and we are planning to move August 5th or so.  Our life constantly moves in a giant whirlwind.  I wonder if we'll slow down someday and just stay put?  I'm a bit bittersweet about the whole thing.  I am really going to miss the wonderful friends I have met here and I am sad I won't be able to be VP and President of BAP in the fall and spring.  I was elected to that position, but now if we move, I can't do either.  Also, there is a chance I will have to stick around to finish up my last three classes while Mike and the kids go back to Utah.  So I will be stuck here in Texas all by myself for three and a half months.  I don't relish that idea at all because I know how much I will miss the kids--and Mike, of course.

I'm hoping it won't come to that.  I have asked my counselor at school if there is any way I can take the last three classes online, and she is going to look into it for me.  However, if there isn't anything that can be done, I will be staying here by myself.  Luckily, my friend, Sarah, has said I can live with her at her house.  But, I will miss my babies.

So, yeah, that is my crazy, crazy life.  I'm tired.  Can I take a nap now?

My Feelings of Abandonment

There are days when I wonder if Heavenly Father has just completely left me alone.  He has given up on me or something.  That's the only thing I can think of, because for the past three days Emma has been very sick.  She says that she is in a tremendous amount of pain in her chest after she eats or drinks, so she refuses to do it.  I have taken her to two different doctors now, and both are telling me the same thing.  Have her eat, drink, rest, blah, blah, blah.  Yeah, how do I do that when she refuses and starts screaming that it hurts and runs to the bathroom to puke what little she's already eaten because she ends up gagging herself?  I can't force her to eat.  I have prayed and prayed and prayed for answers, for guidance, for something.  NOTHING.  Literally.  N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

Have I been abandoned?  The doctors keep brushing me off.  "She looks fine," "There's nothing wrong with her," "Keep giving her antibiotics for the possibility that she has pneumonia and 'encourage' her to eat and drink."  They even did a chest x-ray and a urine analysis.  They ran a flu test and a strep test.  Both negative. Encourage her?  Okay, I'm encouraging her.  I'm begging her.  I'm crying, I'm throwing laundry baskets, I'm threatening to let them put a needle in her arm, but she still won't because she's too afraid to eat or drink because it hurts.  WTH?!

Which brings me back to my original question: Have I been abandoned?  Why won't Heavenly Father give me SOME sort of little clue?  Why won't he help me figure out how to get my daughter to eat or drink to alleviate the sunken cheeks and dry, bleeding lips?  Why won't he let the pain in her chest subside long enough to allow her to eat something?  I guess this is the question that any parent asks God when their child is very sick.  And, yet, my child is very healthy for the most part, and for that reason and many others, I am truly blessed.  I know that I need to focus on that.  I know that I need to quit thinking that I am being abandoned, and start having some faith.  But, I DO have faith--that's the thing!  I KNOW with every fiber of my being that if Heavenly Father wanted to, he could heal her right now.  I know that he can do anything he wants to do.  I just don't think he WANTS to do anything, and I need to figure out what kind of lesson he is trying to teach me through my child.

Okay, I am done now.  Any of you that are a little less frustrated than I am, please keep Emma in your prayers.  She could really use them.  Oh, and yes, I've had Mike give her two priesthood blessings so far.  Nothing.  What am I missing?


UPDATE:
Although it was a very rough time, we finally found out what was going on with Emma after we had her checked into Cook Children's Hospital in Fort Worth.  She had esophagitis, which is essentially cold sores and canker sores all up and down the inside of her esophagus.  She couldn't eat or drink anything, so she was severely dehydrated.  She stayed in the hospital for four days.  I know that Heavenly Father is always watching over me, even when I think he's not.  She is healthy again, we were able to pay for most of the medical bills without any trouble, and it hasn't come back.  I am tremendously blessed.  It's just hard to see that when one is in the thick of their trouble.  I am grateful I was able to get through it relatively unscathed, and that my baby is all better.

My Exhaustion

I am tired.  I think this has been the sentence to describe my life since I started going back to school in 2010.  It seems like all I ever do is clean or study, neither of which I am ever very excited to do (especially cleaning).  The studying has been paying off, though.  I have gotten straight A's the past two semesters in an attempt to bring up my pitiful 2.9 GPA, which is COMPLETELY unlike me.  I guess moving to a new state and trying to get situated and then being sick for three months straight will do that to even the best of students.  Not that I am necessarily the best of students, however.  I mean, I am going to UTA, not Harvard or Yale or somewhere like that.

Either way, being tired seems to be the way I describe my life all the time.  Some might look at it as being lazy, but not me.  And, not only am I physically tired, I am truly MENTALLY tired!!  My brain has been fried recently, especially now that I am nearing the end of my Bachelor's Degree path.  Wow.  That's kind of a big deal for me.  I have this fall semester, consisting of 4 classes all squeezed into two days a week, which I am going to LOVE!  I can't wait to only have to drive two days a week.  Then, in the Spring semester, I have the internship in Plano which I am BEYOND excited for!  Then, in the summer semester of 2015, I will be taking three more classes which serve as a bridge to the graduate program and I will be DONE with my Bachelor's degree!  I can't wait.  It has been such a long time coming.  Of course, that won't be the end of my school journey, but at least I will have a degree in hand and I will finally be able to start a career.

Even though school always seems to consume my life and my conversations, I promise there is more that is happening for me and my kids.  The kids have spent a very boring summer in the house with Audrey babysitting while I go to school, so they are actually excited for school to start--I think.  I wish I could have taken them somewhere fun for the summer, but it just wasn't in the cards for us and I don't think it will be in the cards next summer either.  I will make it up to them at some point, but for now this is the way life is.

Mike is working hard as usual.  It is especially daunting for him in the heat of the summer, but according to long-time locals, this summer has been an especially mild one.  Ouch.  If that's the case, I would absolutely HATE to be here during a "hot" summer.  That is one of the reasons that Mike and I have been seriously tossing around the idea of moving again.  Texas just hasn't felt like home yet and we have been here over two years.  But, we have to stay a little longer, and only time will tell what will happen in the future.  In the meantime, we will try to make the best of our situation, count our blessings, and crank up the AC.

My "It's Not Fair" Face

     There are days--and I have no doubt that everyone has them--that I wish I could be anyone but me.  When I was young, there was this book called "It's Not Fair!" and it was all these pictures of kids comparing their lives to other people's and telling why what they had wasn't fair.  I really can't do the kids' faces justice because the drawings were hilarious, but they would always have a scowl and their lips would be sticking out very far, like a duck beak.  My siblings used to tease me that I looked like them, and now that we are older, we all laugh about it.  I've looked all over the Internet, but I can't find it anywhere, and I certainly can't remember who the illustrator was, so onto my point.
     I don't know if just women do this, but I find myself comparing myself to other people all the time.  "Oh, I wish I had Caradon's gorgeous, thick hair instead of my thin, limp hair."  Then there is, "I wish my teeth were as white as Samantha's," or "I wish I was as thin as that girl," or "I wish I could wear that outfit."  It's sad that I find myself comparing my weaknesses against everyone else's strengths.  But, doing this got me thinking...are there people out there wishing they could be like me?  Is there someone out there wishing that they had kind, well-behaved kids?  Is there someone out there wishing they had a really hot husband who also cooked, scraped the dry skin off their feet, and thought his wife was beautiful?  I'm sure there is, and sometimes I wish that person would say something to me.  It would be nice every once in a while to hear something good from someone who isn't required to think you are amazing.

     Because I feel that way, I always try to do the same for other people.  Every time I see someone with beautiful hair, or really great style, or a fabulous handle-bar moustache...I tell them!  It certainly never hurts, and they usually respond with a smile and a "thank you!"  Hopefully, what goes around will come around and more people will be willing to pay compliments instead of moping with their "It's Not Fair" face, just wishing they were somebody else.  I'm going to work on that--try to see my strengths more often and when I look in the mirror, no more pouting.  I'll just have to see the good things and maybe someday I'll believe them.

My Internship

          It has been too long since I have posted anything in my blog.   I am sure any of you who actually read it (maybe 2 or 3 people?) are wondering if I gave up.  I haven't.  I just have had a lot on my plate these past few weeks...er, months...er, years?!  It's been a while!  Well, here I am now, probably a lonely post until the next one.  Who knows when that will be?  Anyway, on to my story!

           As all of you know, I have been in school since May 2010.  I have been working my little tooshy off, but it's been a really slow process.  Once we moved here to Texas, I decided I would plow through it as fast as I could.  So, that's what I've been doing.  There have been a few bumps and snafus along the way, but for the most part I have done really well.  All of this studying is in planning to try to enter the accounting world with a career that I love, Bachelor's, Master's, and CPA in hand.  Well, part of that process is to get an internship for some real-world experience.

          The whole process started back in February.  I went to the school's Firm Night.  This is where all the accounting firms in the area (including some from the "Big Four") come to meet potential candidates.  I had signed up for speed networking--essentially a speed dating process, I assume, although I have never done one of those.  Anyway, I had to sit down at a table with recruiters and discuss in four minutes or less why I would be a good candidate for their company.  Needless to say, I was terrified.  By the end of the night, however, I had become an old pro at explaining my resume in a nutshell.  After it was all done, I went back to life as normal.

          Three days later I received an email from a small firm in Dallas saying they had been really impressed with me and wanted to pursue an internship for me at their company.  I was excited, but still wanted to explore other options.  So, I logged onto the school's career site and started submitting my resume to various companies--or at least, that's what I wanted to do.  Being that my GPA was an abysmal 2.9 (long story--definitely one for another post), I couldn't apply with anyone from the Big Four.  I was sad about that, but at the same time, I don't know if I would want to work for one of them.  I had heard horror stories about working 100-hour workweeks and being a number in a herd of minions.  Being that I am a mom to four very active children, I wanted a mid-sized firm.  So, I applied to two more.

         At this point, I had three potential internships.  Both of the ones I applied for chose me to do a campus interview.  If that went well, I would then have an office visit with other interviews during that time which would be the final step before receiving an offer.  To make a long story short, my campus interviews went well and I was asked for an office visit to all three firms.  I went to the first one that had pursued me, and to make another long story short, they offered me an internship, withdrew it saying they weren't sure if I could give them the time they would need and they didn't think I could handle the commute.  Then they called me back a few weeks later saying they would actually like to offer me an internship after all.  Of course, I had already washed my hands of them, so I very politely told them no, thank you.

          One of the companies invited me to a social event at this place called Top Golf.  It was a driving range of sorts with three levels facing out to goals.  The point was to try to hit the golf ball as far as one could and make it into the various targets.  Here is what the building looked like:

You can't see the goals, but they are on the left.  The building is just open platforms facing the green.  It's way cool.  It was a lot of fun to be there and the people were all really nice.  I had decided right then that this was the firm that I wanted to go to.

A few weeks later, I went to their office for an office visit.  Again, a lot of fun.  Everyone was very friendly and the office was really pretty.  I had enjoyable interviews and a nice lunch.  I had a great feeling when I left that I would get an offer, but obviously I wasn't sure.

A few days later I went to the office visit of the other firm I had applied to, LGT.  It was a really great day as well.  The firm was smack dab in uptown Dallas, so it was very fancy.  Maybe even a little TOO fancy for me.  As much as I would like to think that I could fit in to the hardcore business world, I need some place where I can be me and not worry about keeping up appearances.

Long story short again, I did not receive an offer from the third company (LGT), but I did receive one from MCG which I was ecstatic about since this was the one I wanted anyway!  My internship will start in February of 2015 (super long way away, but that gives me a chance to take my tax accounting class to get me familiar with what I will be doing) and go until May.  I. Can't. Wait!  Here is a picture of the building:

Sorry, it's a little grainy, but it sure is nice!  It even has a gym on the first floor that we can get free membership to!   Maybe it will encourage me to get back to my running days' figure! =-)

My Dear Friends

      Coming up on Saturday, one of my very dearest friends, Kim Mortensen, is coming to visit me all the way from Taylorsville and she's bringing my adopted daughters (her own daughters, of course) with her.  It is a surprise for the younger kids (Alexia and Audrey already know and being that they, too, are best friends, have been texting each other excitedly about it for weeks).  I really need her visit right now, but more on that later.  It is not often that you find people who make you feel like you can say or do just about anything and they will still love you.  Not only will they love you, but they will do those things right along with you.   Kim is one of few people who will go for an early morning run with me and stick by me even if my flatulence may be acting up that morning, or if my complaining level is especially high.  She acts like a dork just like me, running, jumping, and screaming through IHOP parking lots when we see each other for the first time in a year.  She will sit and cry with me when I am feeling down and she forgives me when I make mistakes.  I have many plans for when she comes, but my most important plan will be just to be together, not really caring what we do. 

     I have another dear friend, Carina Bennett, who has also made plans to come and visit me in February.  I don't know yet if they will come to fruition, but I sure do hope they will!!  This woman is amazing.  She has five beautiful kids who are smart  and well-behaved.  She is humble and kind and one of the most giving people I have ever met.  She makes you feel happy just by being around her.  She has the same paranoias as I do, so I don't feel silly sharing them with her--whether they are about myself, my kids, my calling, school, whatever.  I can tell her anything and usually she has felt the same way.  She too, is a total goofball when she wants to be and it makes my life so much fun.  She participated in the Dirty Dash with me, Kim, my baby sister Sam, and another dear friend, Cheryl, back in 2011 before I had to go and move to dumb old Texas.  I am convinced to this day that she had more fun playing in the mud than all of us!  She was the first friend I made when we moved to Taylorsville back in 2007, and she has stuck by me through thick and thin.  That is a true friend indeed.

I have many other friends that I would love to write a paragraph each about: Becky Weller, the one who always has wise advice for me, yet also has no problem when my questions have no filters whatsoever--she knows what I mean! =)  Or, Sarah Morgan Ashliman, the friend I have had the longest who gets me T-shirts saying that Safety is Sexy and both of us can laugh hysterically at it while everyone else sits around wondering what the heck we are laughing at!   There is Heidi Lambright, a friend who even after not seeing each other for ten years, can still pick up with me right where we left off, reminiscing and talking for hours on end.  Or Melissa Ivie, a friend that I can tell just about anything to as well, and I know I won't be judged.  She is a friend who will give you whatever she can to make your life that much more bearable and never asks for anything in return.  Then there is little Misterissa Parkinson who was recently married and even in her youth is able to provide endless amounts of wise words for me. I love her and miss her daily. And, don't even get me started on my sisters or my brother, or my parents or my aunt.  I could seriously write a million pages about each of them it seems, so that will have to be saved for another journal entry entirely.  My list of people who love me is endless, it seems.

     Needless to say, I am blessed with amazing people in my life.  I am so lucky to have each and every one of them.  Recently I went through a very trying situation and although it only lasted a few hours, it seemed like an eternity (thus the reason for really needing this visit).  After much soul-searching and prayer following this event, I realized that  I have all of these amazing people in my life who love me unconditionally.  I love those kinds of people!

     So, hurry up, Saturday!!!  I need my Kim and my Alexia and my little Lacey!!  It just can't get here fast enough!!

My Fun Run in the Rain

Lately I have been noticing how much I have been missing my running.  I was at the YMCA the other day on the treadmill and I decided to really push myself.  It was awesome and I got so excited, I started to cry.  It was awkward, especially for the guy next to me, but I quickly got it together.  I think I cried because I remembered how much I loved life in the last quarter of 2010.  I was running ALL THE TIME and I felt the BEST that I can ever remember feeling.  I want that again.  So, I ran 2 miles on the treadmill at the Y about a week ago.  Then yesterday, the weather was perfect here, which is very rare in July, so I went for a run in the rain.  I haven't done that in a long time, but I gotta say, it was fantastic.  The rain here is warm, but it was only 72 degrees yesterday which was perfect.  I ran a 5k!  It felt GREAT!  I cannot emphasize it enough!  Soon, I hope, I am going to finally find my groove again and finally find ME.  It will be a happy day indeed.  Then Samantha will make a movie about it called "How Lindsay Got Her Groove Back."  Does that sound good, Sam?  Today I am going to take another rest day, but tomorrow you can bet I'll be back out there pounding the pavement.  I have to take advantage of all this rain!

My Overzealousness

It always seems like when I decide to do something, it's all or nothing.  I can't do anything half-assed and if I don't do it perfectly full throttle, I will drop it and give up.  It's a frustrating part of my personality that I wish I could change.  I am noticing this with my calling in church.  I am the compassionate service coordinator.  I have been trying to get people to essentially babysit this woman in our ward who has a multitude of health issues, but I can't seem to get people to sign up.  It's very frustrating.   So, I find myself feeling like I should go to the bishop and ask to be released and I haven't even been doing it for three months yet! 

Why is it that we are so picky about things?  Well, I guess that I am picky about things.  I just can't seem to let go of this idea that I need to do everything perfectly or I shouldn't even try.  I can remember when we were living in Utah, I sent the kids to my mom's for a weekend so Mike and I could gut out and clean the entire house from top to bottom.  A few of my friends came to help, including my friend Becky.  She made the comment that I don't do anything small.  It's true!  I have been contemplating lately that I would like to do the same thing to this house here, but I have no parents to send the kids to stay with.  They are in Utah.  I will have to wait until they come to stay a while in December.  I can't wait for that day! =)

My Dream Dog

As promised, I am now going to tell you about Nikki.  As silly as it sounds, I think the difference between this dog and all our previous ones is the fact that this one is a girl.  I know that is a "duh" statement, but I really think girl dogs have a much better temperament than boys.  Plus, there isn't that whole male bravado thing that forces them to think they have to pee everywhere to let everyone know the territory belongs to them.  She is absolutely our dream dog.  She is well-mannered, she is excellent with the kids, she is highly potty trained, and best of all, she sleeps most of the day.  She is an indoor dog.  Since Bulldogs have such small tracheas and short snouts, they shouldn't stay outside in extreme heat.  Their trachea swells up and closes and they can't breathe.  So, Nikki stays inside all day.  The best way to describe her is to show you what I mean, so here are some pictures.

As you can see, she is a lot of fun and since I named her after my sister, I can't get rid of her.  Ever. =-)

 

Okay, three things I like about me: This morning I actually got up and went for a 2-mile walk rather than continuing to sleep.  I have a nice home.  I have lots of friends who love me for me and are always helping me to be a better person.  Love them!!!

My Full-Grown Daughter

It has happened.  My daughter is as tall as me when we are both in bare feet.  Where did the time go?  Why is she the same height as I am at only 12?  The other night we went to a buffet restaurant and her back was turned to the cashier as she was getting her drink.  Mike was telling the cashier our kids' ages and he pointed to her and said, "She is 12..."  The lady laughed and kept looking at him as if to say, "Please tell me her real age."  He just smiled and said, "She's twelve."  Then, Audrey turned around and walked over to the cashier and the girl was like, "Oh, wow, I totally thought you were kidding!  You are so tall!"  I don't know if Audrey likes this or not.  Some girls would be pleased to be thought of as an adult at such a young age, but at the same time it prevents her from doing things she really wants to.

For example, I recently signed all the girls up to take gymnastics classes.  Audrey is 12 and very much a beginner, but she attended one class and had a lot of fun.  Last night I got a call from the owner of the business saying they had had a coaches meeting and they had discussed Audrey.  None of her teachers are tall enough to spot Audrey as she learns some of the new moves.  So, either we pull Audrey out, or we wait until the lady's daughter gets home from school for the summer.  The problem is, what happens to Audrey when the daughter leaves again?  I want to keep her enrolled in some sort of athletic activity to keep her active, but I don't really have any idea what would work for a beginning "adult".  Because, although she is not mentally an adult, she is physically the same size as an adult. 

Anyway, hopefully I will get this whole thing sorted out.  In the meantime, I am going to cherish all the time I have left with my daughter, because I have only six years left until she moves out of the house.  That is going to be a day that I will never be prepared for. 

Okay, three things I like about my life: I love the fact that I have a husband who not only is constantly complimenting me, even at my heaviest or when I'm feeling not so pretty, but is also a very hard worker and is willing to do whatever it takes to provide for us.  I love that I have four beautiful children who bring joy and laughter into our home every moment.  I love that I finally have the dog of my dreams and that the rest of the family loves her too and that she never pees in the house!  She's finally a keeper!

My Son Was Invited to a Birthday Party...Finally!

I have been so worried about Dallin over the years.  He finds it difficult to make friends--much more difficult than it is for his sisters.  He has some issues with social protocol which makes it frustrating for some kids to be his friend.  I worry constantly, because kids need friends.  There is only so much validation that can come from a mom or a dad.  The rest needs to come from friends, and in the past, Dallin hasn't had very many.  He had one friend in Utah.  He has one friend here.  That's it.  He is friendly with kids in his classroom and all that, but they don't exactly want to play with him on recess, although he certainly tries hard to get them to.  Maybe a little too hard which kids are usually able to see right away.  They can see that desperation, you know? 

Anyway, we moved into our new ward back in February and I would drop Dallin off at Scouts and he seemed to get along with most of the boys.  But, he hadn't made any friends that he felt he'd want to call and have come over.  I was starting to worry again.  But, then yesterday morning, there was an invitation on the front porch for Dallin to come to a birthday party.  He was SO ecstatic!  He hasn't been invited to a birthday party (except for once by his best friend here in Texas which unfortunately was on the same day as his cousin's birthday party and at the same time, oddly enough) in YEARS.  I'm not exaggerating about that at all.  I wish I was. 

The invitation is for a set of twins in our ward.  They are actually turning 9, so they are a year younger than Dallin, but that works well for him because he tends to get along best with kids who are either younger than him, or who also have autistic spectrum issues and are his own age or older.  I guess that's part of the territory I am having to learn how to deal with, but when this invite came, I was thrilled, especially at his reaction when he got the invitation.  These boys are great.  Not only has he got one friend now, but two.  I really hope they will continue to be his friend as they all get older.  What's funny is that one of the boys is also named Dallin.  Coincidence?  Maybe.  Either way, I sure am glad he's making friends. 

Okay, three things.  These are going to be quick because I have to take my boy to his birthday party!  I like my hair, I like my eyes, and I LOVE my relationships with my siblings.  Even now as adults, we are better friends than we ever were as kids.  I love that.

My Feelings of Normalcy

Well, we have been in Texas now for almost 18 months.  And I am FINALLY starting to feel like it is somewhat home.  I had no idea until now that it is so difficult for me to adjust to new situations.  But, what is funny is that I LOVE change.  I am never satisfied with any one thing for very long.  Whether it is constantly changing my hair color, or rearranging furniture--it doesn't matter how small the change or how big, I love it.  But, maybe this move was a bit bigger than I anticipated.  Either way, I am finally starting to feel normal.  As I sit here typing, I am looking around my home and I know without any doubt that a HUGE contributor to that feeling of being home is the home itself.  I LOVE my new house.  I miss my Utah house intensely and it would be great to be back in it someday.  But, since I have to be here, at least I am in a place that I feel good about showing off to people.  It's kind of nice.  I am going to put pictures up, because those are worth a thousand words.  But, before I do, here are three things I like about me.

1. I like my feet.  If they weren't so nasty, I wouldn't have any way to get attention from Mikey.  Ha ha, just kidding, but he sure does treat me well.  Sanding my feet with his power tools is just one of many ways.

2.  I like that I am crafty.  I recently cross stitched a piece for Penny for her birthday and it turned out GREAT!  I am really proud of it, and better yet, she loves it.

3.  I love that even though my body is not where it should be, it has taken me through many races, survived many bumps and bruises over the years, and best of all, it has given me four beautiful children.  What more could you ask of something?  And, yet I treat it like crap.  I'd better rethink that aspect of my life. 

Okay, on to pictures of my beautiful home.

My Severe Lack of AC

I live in Texas.  It is summer.  We currently have no AC.  Put these factors together and what do you have?  A lot of hot misery.  I am trying to do what my mom did when we were kids and have fans going and all the blinds shut, etc.  That may have worked well in Oregon where the hottest it got during the summer was about 85.  It is different here in the Bible Belt.  AC is imperative 24 hours a day.  Otherwise, you roast.  Our landlord has someone coming tonight, but that means a day of sweaty armpits and short tempers.  I know that we will all be fine, but I admit, I am concerned about our dog Nikki. (She will be another story altogether)  She is an English Bulldog and they don't do well in high temperatures.  She is definitely an indoor dog.  I am sure she will probably be fine as long as I keep her water bowl nice and full and she has a fan to lie next to.  But, it doesn't stop me from worrying. 

Three things I like about myself: I clean up nicely.  I am not saying that I am yet to the point where I can say that I look in the mirror and am pleased.  But, I look at pictures of myself at the peak of my training for the Half and am happy with those.  I really am a pretty person, I just need to remind myself that just because I have an extra layer of fat doesn't make me any less pretty.  Personality plays a big part in how you look to others.  I like that I relate well to teenagers and that they are quick to become my friends.  It will help me in the future, hopefully, because my kids will want to bring their friends here rather than going somewhere else and possibly getting into trouble.  Lastly, I love that I am able to make friends and that I have come out of my shy shell over the years.  I am truly blessed to have many wonderful friends in my life and it is really great to have that support system. 

My New Glasses

Okay, here they are, front and center.  They look black in the picture, but they are actually purple, which I thought was fun.  They also have some bling on the sides.  They are different, that's for sure.  My old pair were finally at their last life.  I got those just after Dallin was born and they were so scratched up and bent and bruised, I was surprised I could even still see through them.  Or that they resembled glasses still.  So, these are my new pair.  I like the shape of them.  I am still getting used to the darkness of them against my ever alabaster skin.  But, hey, I can see so much more clearly than I have in at least eight years.  So, that's a great thing.

I'll probably post a different picture in the near future when my hair and makeup are all done up so you can get the full effect.  Okay, on to other subjects: three things about myself that I like or appreciate.  I like that I am a "jack of all trades".  Usually I can try stuff and catch on to things fairly quickly.  Obviously there are always going to be exceptions to that, but for the most part, I have been blessed to have a sharp wit and to catch on.  I like that I do well in school.  That is something that I pride myself on: good grades.  Last semester, I didn't put as much as I would have liked into school and I was afraid that I would get at least two Cs and two Bs.  But, I wound up getting all four Bs, which I was pleased with.  Finally, I like my musical abilities.  I like my voice, especially when I am singing with my children, my mom, or my sisters.  There is something about the mixing of family voices that sounds so beautiful.  Everyone has the same genes or something like that which gives it a little extra mixing ability.  Does that even make sense?  So many times I have wanted to sing in church with my sisters, especially a capella, but since they are doodie-heads and are in Utah (either that, or I am a doodie-head for being in Texas) they can't sing with me. 

Okay, so those are the three things I like about myself today.  What are your three things?

My New Calling

It's been forever since I last wrote in this blog.  I am really going to try to change that from now on.  Before I start on my chosen topic, however, I am going to write three things that I like about myself.  It is part of a deal I have with my dear friend, Carina.  So here goes:  I like that I can cook just about anything and it won't taste too poopy.  Tonight for Father's Day, Mike requested Greek food and I have NEVER done anything like that.  But, I attempted beef souvlaki with a tzatziki sauce, lemon rice pilaf, and Greek salad, with Baklava for dessert. All of it turned out somewhat decently!  I was very proud of myself, especially for a first try.  I also like that I am a friendly person.  Even on my gloomiest days, I can usually perk up enough to get a laugh out of someone who may be having a gloomier day than me.  Lastly, I like that I am organized.  This is a skill that really helps me in my new calling as Compassionate Service Coordinator.  Not a bad segue, huh?

I am the Compassionate Service Coordinator in our new ward.  It has been my most challenging calling yet.  It is not physically or mentally demanding, really.  But, it is very emotionally challenging simply because getting people to give service can be a very difficult thing to do.  I understand now how all the other coordinators I have dealt with have felt.  It is a tough job!  I passed around a sign-up sheet to bring meals to people and to be with a sister in our ward for a few hours each Wednesday and Friday.  She is very sick and needs people to be with her just in case she has trouble.  It has been like twisting people's arms off to get them to be willing to do that!  It drives me nuts!  I have tried everything, and I am beginning to lose hope as well as patience.  But, I just have to have faith, I suppose.  They say that the Lord will qualify you for your calling as long as you have faith and try your best.  I sure do hope he qualifies me for this one!

My Best Intentions

Well, it's only been 8 months since my last post.  That's not SO bad, right?  Right...Hence, the name of my post.  I am constantly coming on here looking for posts from my friends in hopes I can catch up with them, but I never post anything myself.  I always think to myself, "I NEED to start writing in my blog again!"  Then something comes up and I don't do it.  For example, for the longest time my excuse has been school, then it was kids, then it was moving into a new house (which I also need to blog about, or at the very least, post pictures of), or one thing after another after another.  I am starting to run out of excuses, so I am not going to have them anymore. 

To fill you all in, it has been a crazy 8 months.  Christmas and all the great holidays came and went, and at the beginning of February this year, we found a new and bigger house that we LOVE!  I seriously couldn't ask for a better place.  It's beautiful!  Plus, I finally can have my doggie.  That's another blog post as well.  This one is about my intentions. 

I can remember conversations with my buddy, Kim, in Utah before we moved.  She told me that after much soul-searching through a class she had taken, she had come to realize that she was addicted to "starting things".  I thought about that a lot since then.  I even mentioned it to my sister-in-law, Penny, and we both came to realize that we are that way too.  I have especially noticed it about myself lately.  I am starting to feel very low, I think because of how I am feeling physically.  I am in the worst shape I have ever been, and the heaviest.  So, I think up all these plans in my head about what I am going to do to change that.  Yet, I can't seem to get myself to follow through because I am so unmotivated and tired.  Yet, I know that I am unmotivated and tired because I am not getting up and moving.  It's a mean and vicious cycle.  And, no matter how much I tell myself I need to change, and no matter how many people offer me advice and encouragement, I can't get myself motivated.  Again, hence the name of my blog.

Not to worry, I am not seeking advice--mostly I am just venting my frustration.  I know my AHA moment will come eventually, just like it did back in 2010 when I ran my half.  I would love to have it come sooner rather than later, but in the meantime, I need to just keep plugging away.  Don't we all?  I mean, everyone has their things they want to accomplish, but they can't seem to find the motivation to get it done.  Hopefully we all will, since none of us have the desire to fail. 

All right, I am done now.  Maybe now that I have written in my blog finally, and I can check that one off my list, I will start finishing all my other good intentions too!

My First Day of School

Well, my first day of school was an interesting one to say the least!  I left the house 45 minutes early to give myself plenty of time to get there and get into the class.  Keep in mind I was leaving Audrey in charge for more than an hour for the first time ever, so I was a little nervous and preoccupied.  I was driving through a school zone and I thought I was going pretty slowly, but apparently not slow enough.  I got pulled over and was given a ticket for going 30 in a 20 mph zone.  Then, traffic was absolutely crazy at the school!  I hope this isn't the way it will be all the time there!  It was bonkers!  It took me half an hour to find a parking spot which ended up being almost half a mile away from the building I needed to be in.  I'm not even kidding!  So, I literally had to run to get to my class and I was still about five minutes late.  I HATE being late!  Luckily the professor was late as well, so I wasn't marked as being tardy. 

I can tell that I am going to enjoy this Business Law class a lot more than the online one I took at SLCC.  For one thing, I am going to get more out of listening to a teacher than I did just from reading the book.  Plus, this professor is quite funny.  He is older, about 65 or so.  He has a very thick Southern accent and he has all kinds of funny words for things.  He seems very nice and very knowledgeable.  The class is huge!  I counted my half of the room and there were about 42 people just on my half!  So my guess is there are close to 75 people in the room!

Tomorrow is my management class and my math class.  I am most fearful of the math class.  I love math, but this will be business calculus!  I haven't taken calculus since my junior year in high school!  We will see how it goes.  By the way, Audrey did really well and everyone was safe and sound.  That doesn't mean I won't be freaking out tomorrow the same way I did today.  Let's just hope I don't get another ticket on my way to school!

My Paleo

So, I have decided that I am an addict to "starting" things.  I start craft projects, I start writing books, but mostly I am constantly trying new ways of losing weight because nothing ever seems to work for me.  I have heard over and over from everyone that the key to weight loss is just eating the right foods in the right portion sizes, and getting the right amount of exercise.  Easy enough, right?  Not for me.  I don't know why, either, and that is what is so frustrating.  Some might say that I have an addiction to sugar or some traumatic event in childhood occurred that caused me to have an emotional dependence on food.  Whatever it is, it is something that I have been trying to battle all my life.

 With that being said, I admit that I am not coming to some great realization that enough is enough or anything else like that.  Quite the opposite, actually.  Since I am admitting to being an addict to starting new things, I will tell you about my latest.  Maybe this will be "the one"...maybe this will finally be the end of my lifetime of dissatisfaction with my body, my lifestyle, everything.  Or not.  Either way, it is something I am enjoying so far and I have the whole family onboard as well which certainly helps.  It is called a Paleo lifestyle, which is basically a gluten-free, dairy-free, legume-free diet (as in way of eating, not an attempt to lose weight).  This focuses mainly on eating vegetables (and many of them, including sweet potatoes, but no regular potatoes, corn, or peas), fruits (less of those, but still a lot), nuts, seeds, healthy fats (like those found in avocados, coconuts, fish, etc.), and plenty of proteins like eggs, fish, chicken, and other types of meats (strict Paleos prefer grass-fed animals as their source of meat). 

If one is a strict Paleo follower, they would eliminate all grains and dairy, but I admit, I am not keen on the idea of giving up all of those.  Baby steps for me, please.  So, I am still allowing milk, butter (which strict Paleos also eat very sparingly, but they prefer "ghee"--google it!) and yogurt in the dairy category, and I am allowing oats, wild or brown rice, and air-popped popcorn.  All in all, I am pretty satisfied so far and I haven't had too many complaints from the kids about the meals I am making.  I have been going for four days.  Mike is even on board!  So, for that I am grateful.  As for whether or not this will finally be the "golden ticket" for me and my endless search for something I can survive with and still lose weight...well, that remains to be seen.  I will keep you all posted.  If you want to learn more about this stuff, check out everydaypaleo.com  It is a great website!