Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My Daughter is Growing Up Too Fast!

So, I thought I would try something new this morning. I decided to test the responsibility of my nine-year-old-going-on-forty-year-old and leave her home alone with the kids while I ran around the block over and over. Now, granted, I had timed myself and I knew that I would be passing the house every 4 minutes and 10 seconds, but I was still worried. Nonetheless, I decided I would give it a try for 30 minutes. The kids were all still asleep, what could really go wrong? Right?
So, I strapped on my running shoes, put in my iPod, and started my jaunt. Now, I knew deep inside that the kids were all sound asleep in their beds. I had locked the bolt lock behind me and I had my keys in my hand. But, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to happen while I was gone. Maybe Claire would have a nightmare and wake up screaming. Audrey would have to wait a full 4 minutes and 10 seconds before I could get there to comfort her! I kept running, but now I figured I would limit my run to 25 minutes.
Then, as I continued to run past a neighbor's house, their sprinkler splashed my ankles. A fresh thought came to mind: What if for some reason the house randomly flooded? A lot of damage could happen in 4 minutes and 10 seconds! I kept running, but decided that 20 minutes might be more realistic.
As I kept running, listening to a little Imogen and feeling the wind blowing on my face, a new thought came to my mind. What if all of a sudden this wind gets really strong and blows a tree over onto my roof? What if my kids are pinned under it and they can't breathe for 4 minutes and 10 seconds? A lot of brain damage could happen in that amount of time!
I rounded the fourth corner and came into sight of my house. Okay, things looked good. Audrey wasn't peeking out the front window waiting for my arrival, so maybe I can make another lap, but I think I will cut my run to fifteen minutes instead. That seems more realistic for the first time of her being in charge. I continued to run.
Then, a new thought came to mind as my lungs finally gave out on me and I started to walk. What if someone breaks into my open-a-crack front window?! At that very moment, some stranger could be trudging through my home, searching for expensive items to steal (which he wouldn't find) or yummy food to eat (which he also wouldn't find). Or, maybe he was looking for innocent children to kidnap who have been left with their nine-year-old-going-on-forty-year-old sister by a mother who cares more about running than protecting her children!!!! Those he would have found! I sped up my walking.
I looked down at my time keeper and realized that I was almost at 10 minutes. I think that would be enough for the day. I came around that final corner to my house, standing quietly, bolt lock still locked, children still sleeping peacefully. Ah, justification, it's a good thing. Next time, I will do fifteen minutes, I think. But, for today, my daughter is still not quite ready to watch her siblings by herself for very long, right? Right? Or, is it me who's not ready for her to be ready? Either way, ten minutes felt like a hundred. Baby steps.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My New Beginning

I figure "A New Beginning" should be an aptly-named title for today's blog for many reasons. One, because it's been a year and a half since I have written last and it would be ridiculous to even attempt to fit all that's happened into one blog. And, two, because I am using this blog now, not only for my family news, but also for my own personal journey that I have embarked on many times. The end result of that journey, so far, has been incredibly elusive, but I am inching ever closer, it's just taking me forever to do it.
Anyone who knows me, knows what that journey is and has been for most of my life. Maybe the reason I am not succeeding is because deep in my subconscious, I would be afraid to know what my life would be like if I didn't have to be on this never-ending roller coaster that I call weight loss. Why is it so important to me in the first place? Is it because of the constant reminding from my dear mommy that I should be weighing less? Is it society's idea of how a woman should look that affects me so much? Is it that I want to be an example to my own daughters? Or, does it just boil down to the plain, simple, and ugly truth that is...VANITY? I don't know. Whatever the reason is, I am on this ride until the end whether I like it or not. Maybe once I reach my destination, I will create a new ride for myself, but until then, I am on the weight loss ride.
So, here I sit. Wearing my "Truffle Shuffle" T-shirt, so indicative of the way I feel most of the time. Looking out the window at the night sky knowing that I should be out there running. But, instead I am posting a new blog, with the justification in my mind that I already walked for an hour today to the library and back. Plus, I have to start sometime, don't I?
So, here's my plan. My original inspiration started with a book called "Running With Angels" written by Pam Hansen. She wrote about her journey to lose over 100 pounds after losing two children. She decided to run a marathon. My new book of inspiration to add to my mental shelf is called "A Non-Runner's Marathon Guide for Women" by Dawn Dais. It is a fricking hilarious book, and if anyone wants to read a book that would inspire them to at least enjoy the idea of running, this is the book for them. This woman has a sense of humor that is sarcastic as any and I thoroughly enjoy that. Again, those who know me even a little know that sarcasm is the best form of humor in my opinion. The dedication in her book, though, is what really caught my eye. It is a very serious and touching dedication, probably to balance out the humorous content of the book. It says, "For my grandfather, who never could have finished a marathon, and who never would have doubted for one second that I could."
Here it is again: If you know me at all, you know that not only am I a sarcastic person, I am also a very emotional person and I love my grandfather very much. I love all my grandparents, but my Papa holds a special place in my heart that has ached for him since the day he died almost nineteen years ago. Maybe if I dedicate my journey to him, I would do better.
Every day, I will try to write in this blog. Let's see how long this new resolution lasts! It might be about my training for the day. It might be about the family and what we are up to, or it just might be about what I had for breakfast. Whatever I write about, I truly hope today's entry will, in fact, be a new beginning.