Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My New Beginning

I figure "A New Beginning" should be an aptly-named title for today's blog for many reasons. One, because it's been a year and a half since I have written last and it would be ridiculous to even attempt to fit all that's happened into one blog. And, two, because I am using this blog now, not only for my family news, but also for my own personal journey that I have embarked on many times. The end result of that journey, so far, has been incredibly elusive, but I am inching ever closer, it's just taking me forever to do it.
Anyone who knows me, knows what that journey is and has been for most of my life. Maybe the reason I am not succeeding is because deep in my subconscious, I would be afraid to know what my life would be like if I didn't have to be on this never-ending roller coaster that I call weight loss. Why is it so important to me in the first place? Is it because of the constant reminding from my dear mommy that I should be weighing less? Is it society's idea of how a woman should look that affects me so much? Is it that I want to be an example to my own daughters? Or, does it just boil down to the plain, simple, and ugly truth that is...VANITY? I don't know. Whatever the reason is, I am on this ride until the end whether I like it or not. Maybe once I reach my destination, I will create a new ride for myself, but until then, I am on the weight loss ride.
So, here I sit. Wearing my "Truffle Shuffle" T-shirt, so indicative of the way I feel most of the time. Looking out the window at the night sky knowing that I should be out there running. But, instead I am posting a new blog, with the justification in my mind that I already walked for an hour today to the library and back. Plus, I have to start sometime, don't I?
So, here's my plan. My original inspiration started with a book called "Running With Angels" written by Pam Hansen. She wrote about her journey to lose over 100 pounds after losing two children. She decided to run a marathon. My new book of inspiration to add to my mental shelf is called "A Non-Runner's Marathon Guide for Women" by Dawn Dais. It is a fricking hilarious book, and if anyone wants to read a book that would inspire them to at least enjoy the idea of running, this is the book for them. This woman has a sense of humor that is sarcastic as any and I thoroughly enjoy that. Again, those who know me even a little know that sarcasm is the best form of humor in my opinion. The dedication in her book, though, is what really caught my eye. It is a very serious and touching dedication, probably to balance out the humorous content of the book. It says, "For my grandfather, who never could have finished a marathon, and who never would have doubted for one second that I could."
Here it is again: If you know me at all, you know that not only am I a sarcastic person, I am also a very emotional person and I love my grandfather very much. I love all my grandparents, but my Papa holds a special place in my heart that has ached for him since the day he died almost nineteen years ago. Maybe if I dedicate my journey to him, I would do better.
Every day, I will try to write in this blog. Let's see how long this new resolution lasts! It might be about my training for the day. It might be about the family and what we are up to, or it just might be about what I had for breakfast. Whatever I write about, I truly hope today's entry will, in fact, be a new beginning.


Aunt Cheri said...

U are not the only emotional one my button -- that was touching!

Holland said...

I am so happy you are blogging again! You're a great writer. And this blog, as Aunt Cheri said, is sure touching! You're an AMAZING woman, Lindsay, you could conquer the world if you wanted to. Weight loss is one of the hardest things women have to deal with. Why is it SO HARD for women to lose weight, and so much easier for men? It's not fair. But you're doing so good, every time I see you you look more and more amazing. Just keep up whatever you're doing cuz it's working!!

ChasingChasey said...

Nice, Loosh, I'm looking forward to more.