My Kids' Last Day of School

Well, folks, here I am again, about to embark on yet another summer vacation.  These are really weighing me down.  In some ways, I wish I could sleep through them.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids so very much!!  But, it gets difficult trying to entertain my four children for three months straight.  Especially considering how much they argue with each other when they are in school, let alone how much they will argue when they are home with each other in a cramped little house every day for three months.  Thank goodness for Penny!  She has been diligently putting together all kinds of fun activities for all of us to do together this summer, most of which won't cost too much.  Usually, I am having to figure every little activity out on my own, but this summer is going to be different.  It will be so much nicer!  Anyway, now we will see how the summer goes.  Wish me luck!!

My Girls' Night

Last night Mike and Dallin went to their first Fathers and Sons Campout with the ward.  I am assuming they are having fun.  I have not heard otherwise and they are not yet home.  I know Dallin was sure excited when they left!  Anyway, so the girls and I had a night at home last night.  I let each girl pick a movie and we went to the store to get treats.  Whenever I justify eating a whole lotta crap, I tend to go overboard.  Last night was no exception.  I bought two packages of Oreos and the girls each picked a candy bar.  Then we came home and popped popcorn.  I am proud to say that I only ate about 6 Oreos, which to a normal person is probably a LOT.  But, for someone who can easily down an entire package in one evening, paying no attention to the raging pain my stomach may or may not be feeling, that is actually pretty good.  I also had a box of Sour Patch Kids and some popcorn.  Crap, I tell you!

However, it was a lot of fun.  The girls picked movies from our collection that I hadn't watched in a really long time.  Claire went first and she picked Madagascar.  This is a great movie.  I wasn't sure if I would make it through all three, but I at least made it through that one.  Then it was Emma's turn and she picked one of my favorites: Enchanted.  If you have not seen this one, SEE IT!  It is one of the best Disney movies ever.  I just love it!!  Of course I made it through that one, but alas, Emma did not.  So, once it was done, I took her upstairs and Claire sleepily followed me.  It was 11:00 at this time and I was very tempted to go to bed too.  But, Audrey gave me a guilt trip because "nobody EVER stays up to watch HER movie."  So, I groggily headed back downstairs to join her.  Her movie was also a favorite: Ghostbusters.  We giggled our way through all the classic lines that we often quote and loved the scene with Mr. Staypuft.  It was a nice night.  Then, we both headed to bed with Audrey joining me in mine for the night.  She usually will take any opportunity to sleep in my bed since she says it is more comfortable than hers.  Mike disagrees.  I was happy to have her as it is not always fun to sleep alone.  I can't wait to find out if my boys had as much fun as we girls did!

My Teenagers

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE working with teenagers.  I love having them in my home, I love working with them at church, and I love having good talks with them.  I think so many times people underestimate teenagers and the immense amount of wisdom that a lot of them possess.  There are obviously exceptions to every rule, and this certainly applies to teenagers as well.  But, for the most part, they will usually be respectful of those that treat them like they are on the same, or at least a similar, level.  My most recent calling in church is with the Young Women and I am loving it.  I am taking a little longer than I would like getting to know all of them.  It seemed so easy in my last ward.  A lot of that had to do with the bonding that was done at Girl's Camp.  That's why I want to go here so badly.  I LOVE Girl's Camp, and I love spending quality time with the girls there.  I hope that I will create a bond with these girls here in Texas just as I created one in my last two wards.  I have loved all the girls I have ever worked with in the past, and I am looking forward to spending more time with my current girls in the future.  I figure Heavenly Father wants me to learn something from them!  I love learning that way!

My First Tornado

Hi all,
Now before you get your panties in a twist, we are all fine. Our house wasn't touched, nor was our neighborhood. The kids were safe in their iron fortress of a school and Claire, Mike and I were safe at home, glued to the news to watch the seemingly limitless damage. At least three tornadoes passed through the Dallas/Fort Worth area today, the biggest of which went right through Arlington. I was watching news coverage of the aftermath of this natural destructor and it was heartbreaking. Fortunately, as far as I know, no one was killed in this calamity, but many homes were destroyed. People had camper trailers flying through the air half a block from where they had previously sat, quietly parked. Trees had fallen, golf-ball-sized hail came down, shattering many car windows, homes had no roofs and their own windows were blown out as if a bomb had exploded inside. Most of the city was without power. We were lucky, though. We never even lost power! I am constantly amazed at how much Heavenly Father watches over me and my little family. He must have something really important for all of us to do. The thing I loved most about this situation, though, was Mike's reaction to it all. He braved the crazy weather to rush home from work (which I predicted he'd do). Then, once we had observed the chaos and sadness inflicted on our city, he immediately turned to me and said, "Call the bishop and find out what we can do to help. See if anyone in the ward was hit and what we can do." I love that man. I have said so many times that he would literally give someone the shirt off his back and anything else they needed without them even asking. This just proved my point even more.

You know, considering this was my first natural disaster (aside from the flood in Salem which was pretty intense), I was surprised at how calm I was through it all. I am sure my calm was mostly for Claire's benefit to make sure she didn't get scared, but it was also because I knew that Heavenly Father would keep us safe. It's nice to have the gospel in my life and to know that I am never alone. I pray that the people who lost their homes or cars will be all right and we will help as much as we can. But homes and cars are replaceable and people are not. Nobody was killed, as far as I know, and that is truly something to be thankful for.

My Skirts

I haven't been able to fit into most of my skirts, dresses, nice slacks, or button-front shirts for quite some time. It's so frustrating because what was once too big a year and a half ago is now too small. It really upsets me that I let myself go so far. I have attended our new ward here now for five weeks and I have worn the same skirt and shirt each time. I'm sure everyone is wondering if I own any other clothes! It's becoming my church uniform! But, sadly, it's because none of my other cute skirts fit! This one just BARELY fit and I couldn't wait to get out of it after three hours of torture!

So, I figure I have two choices. One, I can go buy more clothes, or two, I can lose weight. Both of these options are very difficult for me. I RARELY buy anything for myself. I can't seem to justify spending money on clothes for me when my kids need new shoes or clothes, or Mike has been waiting forever to have new boots, or something on the house needs fixed, or something on the car needs fixed...the list goes on and on! So, I don't feel that my clothes should take priority. On the other hand, losing weight is a very slow and tedious process. It involves a lot of extra activity, cutting out foods that I love (at least in the portions I am used to) and not any extra laying-around time.

I had to choose one. So, since money is a much more daunting obstacle than losing weight, I went with the lesser of the two evils. I decided to lose weight. Again. How many times have I "decided" to lose weight in my life? Probably 75 or more, not even joking. I am happy to report that I am getting back into a groove. I have been going strong for 5 1/2 days now and I haven't messed up once. I think a lot of my motivation is coming from finally getting my head right again. Now, I know I am going to have to wear my uniform a few more weeks. But, it won't be long until I am finally able to put on another skirt and prove to my new ward that I do, in fact, have other clothes. That will be one sweet day indeed.

My Hindsight

Do you ever have one of those days where you are constantly looking backward, wishing you had done things so differently? I've been having a lot of those days lately. As most of you know, I am not a happy girl. I never have been, and since I was about 16 years old, I have had to take medication to balance that out. When I am on it, I feel fine and I don't believe that there is anything wrong with me. But, if I get off it, Mike is usually able to tell first, and then slowly every other family member who is around me gets to see the real, unmedicated me come out. It's not a pretty sight. All of my family knows what I am talking about, but very few friends do. That's because it is rare for me to be off my "brain medicine", as I tell my kids, for very long. Well, I have been off of it for about 45 days now. Honestly, I have never been able to tell a difference between being on and off. When I am off, I usually just chalk it up to whatever is going on in my life and say it's stress. But, this time around has been different. For the first time in a VERY long time (at least 16 years), I finally realized that I needed this medicine.

In my defense, we haven't had medical insurance because of the 30-day trial period for Mike's new job. But, we finally got it a few days ago, so my excuse was invalid. It wasn't until I spent all of Tuesday basically in my room, sleeping and trying to shut out the world, that I finally realized something was wrong. My kids spent the entire time downstairs and if they came upstairs, I would yell. It was awful. Why am I telling you all this? I have no idea. I guess because a blog is a place for you to really be yourself and admit your shortcomings. I figure anyone who reads this won't judge me.

So, yesterday I finally went to the doctor to get a prescription. She was surprised I had made it as long as I had without completely losing it. I have had my moments, I admit it, and I am afraid that poor Chris and Penny have had to see those moments up close and personal. Well, Chris not so much, but poor Penny....Poor, poor Penny! =) I got my prescription yesterday and I finally have it filled and I am back on. It will take a few weeks for it to kick in, but once it does, things will be so much better! I swear, the sun is shining a little brighter today!

Now, why do I call this blog "My Hindsight"? Well, I think that should be obvious: I should have prepared better. I should have filled my prescription one last time right before we moved so I would have had a 30-day supply or something. But, hindsight is always 20/20 as they say and you always know the PERFECT thing you SHOULD HAVE done after the fact. I guess this should hopefully teach me for next time. But, at least now I can finally start enjoying my new life and trying to truly make the best of it without my unbalanced dopamine levels screwing things up for me. Now maybe I should break into a Brady Bunch song. That seems appropriate: "I think I'll go for a walk outside now, the summer sun's calling my name..."

My New Year's Resolutions

Every year I make them, and every year I break them. Sad. I know. But, maybe this year will be different. I am making huge changes in my life this year, so maybe I can actually keep my resolutions, which would also be a change. So, here they are. Honestly, they are usually the same every year, and it is frustrating that I can't keep them. We'll see.

1. FHE every week
2. Scriptures with family every night
3. Temple once a month
4. Never get behind by more than two weeks on tithing
5. Regular exercise every week
6. Healthy eating with treats only once in a while
7. Less phone, more sleep
8. Good grades (shouldn't be TOO hard to keep this one!)
9. Don't yell at my kids as much, if at all
10. More compliments to and dates with Mikey; think about his needs more before my own

I know this seems like a lot, but I am pretty good at keeping all of these, just not on a regular basis. So, my main goal is to just do better on them. I don't need to be perfect, but next year on New Year's Eve, I'd like to look back and feel like I did a lot better this year. That's my number one resolution--just do my best.