Monday, August 9, 2010

My Addiction

I have decided to take my aunt's advice and not be so hard on myself...starting tomorrow. For now, I have to have one last blog in an attempt to kick myself in the butt toward success! Now, for those of you who know me, I tend to be a perfectionist in some aspects of my life. Grades are one of those areas--if I don't get A's, I get very hard on myself. Crafty stuff tends to be in one of those areas as well--I like the products of my hard labor to be beautiful and without obvious flaws. One area of my life, however, that does not fall into the perfectionist category is my weight loss.

Like most people who struggle with this, I tend to do really well for about two or three months. I stick to my exercise regime and my eating plan like glue, never wavering. But, for some reason, when I hit that twenty-pound mark, I most definitely start to waver. I don't even know why either! Maybe my subconscious says, "Okay, Lindsay, enough is enough. You can't possibly do this so don't even try!" It's very frustrating, because in my heart I know I can do it. Heck, if I can give birth to four children, I can do anything! I have reached that wall again, just like always. Runners talk all the time about "runner's walls". Those are these blocks that you hit when your body finally can't go anymore. But, most runners would also agree that those "walls" are very much psychological, and you would be surprised what you could actually do if you just push yourself through those walls. I have hit my wall in the food area of my life, and even though it's all completely psychological, that addiction to food is very strong and very real. And, I don't use the term addiction lightly. I am fully aware of what that means and it is very applicable to me.

So, what am I trying to say here? I don't really even know...I shouldn't be hard on myself. I am a beautiful person, with lots of good qualities. I'd like to think I would have a full room of people at my funeral someday. But, I also want to be able to not rely on food for my happiness or my release of boredom. I don't want it to be all I think about from the moment I wake up each day until the moment I fall asleep. That's definitely something I would like to be a perfectionist about...I'll work on that.


Jessie said...

You are so not alone in this. I'm totally with you here--people joke about me only going places for the food, but that really is true! I wish I had good advice for you, but all I can say is maybe you and I can work through it together! I love ya, Babe! You're doing great!


Breestyle said...

You are a BEAUTIFUL person and I sure wish you wouldn't hyperfocus on your flaws. However, Linds you know me. I wish I had words for you but, at most times I am in the same boat as you. Love you though!!

ChasingChasey said...

You and me both, sissy. I love you just the way you are, and I'm proud of you for all you have accomplished. When I have Taylor, maybe we can set up some plan where we are accountable to each other or something. I miss those 24 hour Fitness days. Love you, and keep working hard. You are amazing.

The Jenkins Family said...

Thanks guy! You are all wonderful friends! Caradon, I sure do miss those days too. I swear I did better then during those workouts than I have ever done since! You just need to transfer Brad's job to SLC and move up here. There's lots of cute houses for pretty small prices! Love you!

Carina said...

Does a food addict lick the bottle of butterscotch topping clean because why waste those last drops? Or the same after the smoothie or jar of PB. I have to find a spatula and save those last few drops that were going to be garbage. WHY do I have to put it in my mouth? My kids were thoroughly enjoying watching me eat an omelet this week. Apparently as the taste of red onion, ham, cheese & mushrooms hit my mouth I would make a face of pure ecstasy. They have commented on it a few times. Well at least I get some enjoyment from my addiction. ;) Hang in there girl and we can kick this together.