Sunday, August 15, 2010

My Proposition

Everyone has their free agency. Everyone has their issues too; whether it be addiction, depression, anxiety, or any other number of things. With that free agency we are free to decide if that addiction or other problem is going to rule our life or not. As I have mentioned in my previous blogs, I firmly believe I have an addiction to food. When I am tired, I eat. When I am bored, I eat. At family functions, I eat until I am beyond stuffed, then I eat more because it tastes good. I have always tried many ways to succeed in kicking this habit and I have been sort of successful on many occasions. But, usually, I end up losing my motivation, mainly because I don't feel I am worth fighting for. My friends, my kids, my family, my husband...those people are worth fighting for. But, for some reason, I struggle with that concept when it comes to myself.

The other day I had an epiphony while I was driving. If I can't stay motivated for myself, maybe I can stay motivated for someone else. No one else in my life has a weight problem that they are in a position to do anything about at the moment, so that is out the window. Then, I thought of one of my dear friends who is really struggling with their own addiction right now: alcohol and tobacco. Those are very powerful addictions as well, and maybe my friend would want to try to quit using those crutches in their life and I can stop using my crutches with them. So, I made a proposition to my friend the other night. Basically, the idea of my friend hurting their health by smoking and drinking really hurt me. I know how I felt when Mike and I were dating and I was trying to get him to quit those things. It was tough to stand there feeling helpless and watch him ruin his life. So, I helped him quit. Granted, things were different between me and Mike than they are between me and my friend. Nonetheless, my desire for them to quit is as strong as my desire was for Mike to quit. Why not use that desire to my own benefit as well?

My friend agreed to my proposition last night and we signed our own little contract. I was on Cloud Nine. If one of us messes up on our side, it allows the other to mess up on theirs. I certainly don't want to mess up on my side, thus allowing my friend a serving of alcohol or a cigarette. We are doing this through the end of the year. It's our Good Health Contract. It is my hope that if we are successful through the end of the year, those cravings won't be so strong for either of us and we will be able to move ahead on our own. If not, maybe we will write up another contract--who knows. In the meantime, if I can't stay motivated for myself, I know I can stay motivated for my friend. In a small way, my friend's life may depend on it. I know, I know it's a big commitment--for both of us really. But, my friend is worth it. I am worth it.

1 comment:

Carina said...

You are totally worth it! So many people look up to you. Me included. I think that is incredible that you would ask your friend to do that AND even more so that they accepted.

Almost 6 yrs ago my sister was diagnosed at 30 with Cirrhosis because of her drinking problem. I have always been amazed as I watched her quit cold turkey. Then she quit smoking this summer cold turkey. Holy crap! If she can do that then I can kick my addiction too. That has been a HUGE motivator for me.

I can see how helping someone else else achieve a better life would motivate you. I have been praying for you, now I will pray for both of you. You are both worth it!