My Failure

I have decided that in order to be fully honest on my blog, I need to share my failures as well as my victories. But, don't get too familiar with these failure stories, because being that I am pretty darn near perfect, there won't be many more! =) Ha ha... Anyway, there is a statement that I have been saying for a while now inside my head, but I have never said it out loud until this morning. I hate it when I lose control. That's it. That's the statement.

Now, in order to fully understand this story, you have to understand that since I got back from California on the 15th of June, I have been having a very lax attitude toward my Weight Watchers plan and I haven't been following it the way I should have. Every day, I have been screwing up royally at the end of the day, only to tell myself right before bed that I will do better tomorrow. Then, tomorrow comes, and no such luck. I always think to myself that I HATE it when I do this, but I never do anything about it.

Well, at my last weigh-in, I had gained another 2 1/2 pounds, so I made a resolution that at the next weigh-in I have, I would like to have lost at least 3 pounds. You see, that 2 1/2 pounds added into the 5 that I had already gained over the month of June. So, I am up to a grand total of 8 of my hard-earned losses going down the drain. So, I vowed things would be different.

So, Saturday was great. I resisted all kinds of temptations, Sunday was great and Monday started out great. Until dinner. I don't know what changed inside my head. I remember thinking as I was eating a scrumptious Asiago cheese bagel from Harmon's (not as good as Einstein's, but a close second) that I had already screwed up and I might as well eat whatever I wanted that I wouldn't be able to when I "got back on track tomorrow." What a laugh, I think, as I am sitting here shaking my head. I proceeded to eat enchiladas, chips and salsa, chips and spinach-artichoke dip, candy, popcorn with garlic butter (which wasn't very good by the way) and sushi. It was pretty bad. Afterwards, I felt like a pathetic, bloated blob and I wasn't proud of myself in any way, shape, or form like I had been on Saturday and Sunday. I had even run/walked five miles that morning and walked around the zoo for three hours! Who does all that only to completely screw themselves later? Only me, it seems....Okay, that's probably not true, but when you screw up like that you tend to think that you are the only failure in the world.

Okay, the point of this story is not to depress any of you or to make myself feel bad. The point of this story is that if I hold myself accountable and know that people that I care about are going to know this about me, maybe I will be more likely not to mess up next time. I have made the resolution that the horrible feeling I felt last night is not one I ever want to feel again. I HATE LOSING CONTROL OF MYSELF LIKE THAT. Wish me luck for the future!