My First Day of School

Well, my first day of school was an interesting one to say the least!  I left the house 45 minutes early to give myself plenty of time to get there and get into the class.  Keep in mind I was leaving Audrey in charge for more than an hour for the first time ever, so I was a little nervous and preoccupied.  I was driving through a school zone and I thought I was going pretty slowly, but apparently not slow enough.  I got pulled over and was given a ticket for going 30 in a 20 mph zone.  Then, traffic was absolutely crazy at the school!  I hope this isn't the way it will be all the time there!  It was bonkers!  It took me half an hour to find a parking spot which ended up being almost half a mile away from the building I needed to be in.  I'm not even kidding!  So, I literally had to run to get to my class and I was still about five minutes late.  I HATE being late!  Luckily the professor was late as well, so I wasn't marked as being tardy. 

I can tell that I am going to enjoy this Business Law class a lot more than the online one I took at SLCC.  For one thing, I am going to get more out of listening to a teacher than I did just from reading the book.  Plus, this professor is quite funny.  He is older, about 65 or so.  He has a very thick Southern accent and he has all kinds of funny words for things.  He seems very nice and very knowledgeable.  The class is huge!  I counted my half of the room and there were about 42 people just on my half!  So my guess is there are close to 75 people in the room!

Tomorrow is my management class and my math class.  I am most fearful of the math class.  I love math, but this will be business calculus!  I haven't taken calculus since my junior year in high school!  We will see how it goes.  By the way, Audrey did really well and everyone was safe and sound.  That doesn't mean I won't be freaking out tomorrow the same way I did today.  Let's just hope I don't get another ticket on my way to school!

My Paleo

So, I have decided that I am an addict to "starting" things.  I start craft projects, I start writing books, but mostly I am constantly trying new ways of losing weight because nothing ever seems to work for me.  I have heard over and over from everyone that the key to weight loss is just eating the right foods in the right portion sizes, and getting the right amount of exercise.  Easy enough, right?  Not for me.  I don't know why, either, and that is what is so frustrating.  Some might say that I have an addiction to sugar or some traumatic event in childhood occurred that caused me to have an emotional dependence on food.  Whatever it is, it is something that I have been trying to battle all my life.

 With that being said, I admit that I am not coming to some great realization that enough is enough or anything else like that.  Quite the opposite, actually.  Since I am admitting to being an addict to starting new things, I will tell you about my latest.  Maybe this will be "the one"...maybe this will finally be the end of my lifetime of dissatisfaction with my body, my lifestyle, everything.  Or not.  Either way, it is something I am enjoying so far and I have the whole family onboard as well which certainly helps.  It is called a Paleo lifestyle, which is basically a gluten-free, dairy-free, legume-free diet (as in way of eating, not an attempt to lose weight).  This focuses mainly on eating vegetables (and many of them, including sweet potatoes, but no regular potatoes, corn, or peas), fruits (less of those, but still a lot), nuts, seeds, healthy fats (like those found in avocados, coconuts, fish, etc.), and plenty of proteins like eggs, fish, chicken, and other types of meats (strict Paleos prefer grass-fed animals as their source of meat). 

If one is a strict Paleo follower, they would eliminate all grains and dairy, but I admit, I am not keen on the idea of giving up all of those.  Baby steps for me, please.  So, I am still allowing milk, butter (which strict Paleos also eat very sparingly, but they prefer "ghee"--google it!) and yogurt in the dairy category, and I am allowing oats, wild or brown rice, and air-popped popcorn.  All in all, I am pretty satisfied so far and I haven't had too many complaints from the kids about the meals I am making.  I have been going for four days.  Mike is even on board!  So, for that I am grateful.  As for whether or not this will finally be the "golden ticket" for me and my endless search for something I can survive with and still lose weight...well, that remains to be seen.  I will keep you all posted.  If you want to learn more about this stuff, check out everydaypaleo.com  It is a great website!

My Love/Hate Relationship

I am sure all of you have this same love/hate relationship as I do.  My relationship is with money.  I hate it.  I love it.  It sucks.  What's funny is that I am going to go to school to become an accountant and all they do is work with money constantly.  I guess the only time I really hate it is when I have to pay out more of it than I have coming in.  It seems like the last 13 years that I have been married, that is the occasion.  Granted, since we moved to Texas, our money problems haven't been nearly as severe which has been a welcome change.  But, because of that, I have gone a little overboard in the frivolous spending area which I never would have done in Utah.  I have become a bit more free with how I spend the money in our home.  That is starting to catch up with me.  Things are starting to get tight again and it is not a good feeling, especially when Mike has to work long weeks to make ends meet.  That's not the way it should be.  I really need to work harder to find a happy medium that we can all be happy with.  Plus, I really need to be careful with money so I can make sure I have enough to go to Utah in July.  That has to happen, regardless of what bills remain unpaid for a while.  I wish a money tree would start growing in my backyard.  But, since that won't be happening anytime soon, I guess I just need to start using my self-control that I know I have buried down inside of me somewhere.  Now if only I could just find it....

My Big Baby

It's kind of hard for me to believe, but my baby girl is going to be five years old tomorrow.  She has been counting down the days for quite a while now.  It seems like it wasn't that long ago that she was born.  Here, let me show you what a beautiful girl I brought into the world back in June of 2007:

See what I mean?  Beautiful!!  Tomorrow my very last child is going to be old enough to go to kindergarten (which she is also counting down to) and she is going to be able to hold up an entire hand to show people her age.  It's kind of crazy to me that I won't have any more babies like this in my house.  Even grandchildren won't live with me.  In some ways, it is a little sad, but in other ways it is very exciting to see what kind of fun things lie ahead for us.  I sure am grateful to have had four beautiful children.  I couldn't have asked for better ones and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father entrusted me with these beautiful spirits.  He must see something in me that I don't.  There's not much more I can say about Claire except that she is so much fun.  It's much better to show my beautiful girl in pictures.  So, here I go:

About a month old

Family Pictures, November of 2007



Lagoon 2008, about a year old

I always found Claire in funny little outfits.  She was about 2 here.

SO CUTE!!  I love this picture of Claire.  She was about 2 1/2 here.

About 3 1/2.  Again, so cute, always ready to give a big smile for the camera



She looks SO MUCH like Audrey when she was that age.  Crazy how much my kids look alike.



This is Easter of 2012.  See how grown up she is looking?  Hard to believe she is almost 5!

Oh, sorry, that's not Claire.  Heh heh.  I just couldn't resist, Slllllllamantha!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE CLAIRE BEAR!!!!

My Son's Tender Heart--Part 2

Well, as all of you know, I have a little boy who has a very tender heart.  I love that about him and I hope and pray that it is something he will continue to have even as an adult.  I am about to share a sweet story that can give you an idea of what I mean.  Dallin's birthday was on May 5th.  We had a party here for him and he invited a lot of his new friends and it was really fun.  One of the gifts that he got from his Aunt Heidi and his two cousins, Byron and Hunter, was a male Beta fighting fish.  He was very excited to have a pet.  Aunt Heidi showed him how to change the water and clean out the bowl and how to feed him and stuff like that.  He named the fish "Missile" and he enjoyed watching it swim around. 

I wasn't present during the fish caring tutorial, so I was unaware that the water needed to have "conditioner" put in it to balance out the chlorine that is in the water here.  The chlorine burns the fish and kills them if the conditioner isn't in the water.  When I had a beta fish, I lived in Oregon and there was no need for conditioner in the water, because as everyone knows, Oregon water is the best in the world!  Well, yesterday we changed Missile's water and Dallin forgot to put conditioner in the water.  When we got home, Missile was down at the bottom of the bowl.  Dead.  Crap.  I called Dallin down, preparing myself to give him the bad news.  I had hoped that since he had only had Missile for a month, it wouldn't be too bad.  At first it wasn't.  Dallin seemed to take it like a champ.  We had a little funeral service for Missile, then Dallin proceeded to flush the toilet--at which point he broke into very loud tears and sobs.  He buried his head into my stomach and cried his little heart out.  Then, he went up to his bed and continued to cry for a while.

Finally after he was calmed down a bit, he came into my room and snuggled up next to me.  We talked a little about Missile and I asked Dallin why he was so sad that he had died.  I asked him what it was that he loved the most about Missile.  Was it the way he would puff up if he saw his reflection?  Was it how Missile would swim into the little jar at the bottom of his bowl and "hide"?  Dallin looked at me as tears began to well up in his beautiful blue/gold eyes and he said, "No, Mom.  What I loved the most about Missile....was his love for me."  Then, he began to quietly cry again into my shoulder.  I just held him and smiled to myself.  A good mother probably wouldn't have smiled while their son was feeling so sad, but I guess I smiled because, not only did my son have a beautiful heart, but he genuinely believed that Missile had loved him too.  Quite honestly, I don't see how any being on this earth couldn't love Dallin--even a beta fish.  So, it is only fitting that Dallin believes it too. 

My Kids' Last Day of School

Well, folks, here I am again, about to embark on yet another summer vacation.  These are really weighing me down.  In some ways, I wish I could sleep through them.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids so very much!!  But, it gets difficult trying to entertain my four children for three months straight.  Especially considering how much they argue with each other when they are in school, let alone how much they will argue when they are home with each other in a cramped little house every day for three months.  Thank goodness for Penny!  She has been diligently putting together all kinds of fun activities for all of us to do together this summer, most of which won't cost too much.  Usually, I am having to figure every little activity out on my own, but this summer is going to be different.  It will be so much nicer!  Anyway, now we will see how the summer goes.  Wish me luck!!

My Girls' Night

Last night Mike and Dallin went to their first Fathers and Sons Campout with the ward.  I am assuming they are having fun.  I have not heard otherwise and they are not yet home.  I know Dallin was sure excited when they left!  Anyway, so the girls and I had a night at home last night.  I let each girl pick a movie and we went to the store to get treats.  Whenever I justify eating a whole lotta crap, I tend to go overboard.  Last night was no exception.  I bought two packages of Oreos and the girls each picked a candy bar.  Then we came home and popped popcorn.  I am proud to say that I only ate about 6 Oreos, which to a normal person is probably a LOT.  But, for someone who can easily down an entire package in one evening, paying no attention to the raging pain my stomach may or may not be feeling, that is actually pretty good.  I also had a box of Sour Patch Kids and some popcorn.  Crap, I tell you!

However, it was a lot of fun.  The girls picked movies from our collection that I hadn't watched in a really long time.  Claire went first and she picked Madagascar.  This is a great movie.  I wasn't sure if I would make it through all three, but I at least made it through that one.  Then it was Emma's turn and she picked one of my favorites: Enchanted.  If you have not seen this one, SEE IT!  It is one of the best Disney movies ever.  I just love it!!  Of course I made it through that one, but alas, Emma did not.  So, once it was done, I took her upstairs and Claire sleepily followed me.  It was 11:00 at this time and I was very tempted to go to bed too.  But, Audrey gave me a guilt trip because "nobody EVER stays up to watch HER movie."  So, I groggily headed back downstairs to join her.  Her movie was also a favorite: Ghostbusters.  We giggled our way through all the classic lines that we often quote and loved the scene with Mr. Staypuft.  It was a nice night.  Then, we both headed to bed with Audrey joining me in mine for the night.  She usually will take any opportunity to sleep in my bed since she says it is more comfortable than hers.  Mike disagrees.  I was happy to have her as it is not always fun to sleep alone.  I can't wait to find out if my boys had as much fun as we girls did!

My Teenagers

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE working with teenagers.  I love having them in my home, I love working with them at church, and I love having good talks with them.  I think so many times people underestimate teenagers and the immense amount of wisdom that a lot of them possess.  There are obviously exceptions to every rule, and this certainly applies to teenagers as well.  But, for the most part, they will usually be respectful of those that treat them like they are on the same, or at least a similar, level.  My most recent calling in church is with the Young Women and I am loving it.  I am taking a little longer than I would like getting to know all of them.  It seemed so easy in my last ward.  A lot of that had to do with the bonding that was done at Girl's Camp.  That's why I want to go here so badly.  I LOVE Girl's Camp, and I love spending quality time with the girls there.  I hope that I will create a bond with these girls here in Texas just as I created one in my last two wards.  I have loved all the girls I have ever worked with in the past, and I am looking forward to spending more time with my current girls in the future.  I figure Heavenly Father wants me to learn something from them!  I love learning that way!

My First Tornado

Hi all,
Now before you get your panties in a twist, we are all fine. Our house wasn't touched, nor was our neighborhood. The kids were safe in their iron fortress of a school and Claire, Mike and I were safe at home, glued to the news to watch the seemingly limitless damage. At least three tornadoes passed through the Dallas/Fort Worth area today, the biggest of which went right through Arlington. I was watching news coverage of the aftermath of this natural destructor and it was heartbreaking. Fortunately, as far as I know, no one was killed in this calamity, but many homes were destroyed. People had camper trailers flying through the air half a block from where they had previously sat, quietly parked. Trees had fallen, golf-ball-sized hail came down, shattering many car windows, homes had no roofs and their own windows were blown out as if a bomb had exploded inside. Most of the city was without power. We were lucky, though. We never even lost power! I am constantly amazed at how much Heavenly Father watches over me and my little family. He must have something really important for all of us to do. The thing I loved most about this situation, though, was Mike's reaction to it all. He braved the crazy weather to rush home from work (which I predicted he'd do). Then, once we had observed the chaos and sadness inflicted on our city, he immediately turned to me and said, "Call the bishop and find out what we can do to help. See if anyone in the ward was hit and what we can do." I love that man. I have said so many times that he would literally give someone the shirt off his back and anything else they needed without them even asking. This just proved my point even more.

You know, considering this was my first natural disaster (aside from the flood in Salem which was pretty intense), I was surprised at how calm I was through it all. I am sure my calm was mostly for Claire's benefit to make sure she didn't get scared, but it was also because I knew that Heavenly Father would keep us safe. It's nice to have the gospel in my life and to know that I am never alone. I pray that the people who lost their homes or cars will be all right and we will help as much as we can. But homes and cars are replaceable and people are not. Nobody was killed, as far as I know, and that is truly something to be thankful for.

My Skirts

I haven't been able to fit into most of my skirts, dresses, nice slacks, or button-front shirts for quite some time. It's so frustrating because what was once too big a year and a half ago is now too small. It really upsets me that I let myself go so far. I have attended our new ward here now for five weeks and I have worn the same skirt and shirt each time. I'm sure everyone is wondering if I own any other clothes! It's becoming my church uniform! But, sadly, it's because none of my other cute skirts fit! This one just BARELY fit and I couldn't wait to get out of it after three hours of torture!

So, I figure I have two choices. One, I can go buy more clothes, or two, I can lose weight. Both of these options are very difficult for me. I RARELY buy anything for myself. I can't seem to justify spending money on clothes for me when my kids need new shoes or clothes, or Mike has been waiting forever to have new boots, or something on the house needs fixed, or something on the car needs fixed...the list goes on and on! So, I don't feel that my clothes should take priority. On the other hand, losing weight is a very slow and tedious process. It involves a lot of extra activity, cutting out foods that I love (at least in the portions I am used to) and not any extra laying-around time.

I had to choose one. So, since money is a much more daunting obstacle than losing weight, I went with the lesser of the two evils. I decided to lose weight. Again. How many times have I "decided" to lose weight in my life? Probably 75 or more, not even joking. I am happy to report that I am getting back into a groove. I have been going strong for 5 1/2 days now and I haven't messed up once. I think a lot of my motivation is coming from finally getting my head right again. Now, I know I am going to have to wear my uniform a few more weeks. But, it won't be long until I am finally able to put on another skirt and prove to my new ward that I do, in fact, have other clothes. That will be one sweet day indeed.

My Hindsight

Do you ever have one of those days where you are constantly looking backward, wishing you had done things so differently? I've been having a lot of those days lately. As most of you know, I am not a happy girl. I never have been, and since I was about 16 years old, I have had to take medication to balance that out. When I am on it, I feel fine and I don't believe that there is anything wrong with me. But, if I get off it, Mike is usually able to tell first, and then slowly every other family member who is around me gets to see the real, unmedicated me come out. It's not a pretty sight. All of my family knows what I am talking about, but very few friends do. That's because it is rare for me to be off my "brain medicine", as I tell my kids, for very long. Well, I have been off of it for about 45 days now. Honestly, I have never been able to tell a difference between being on and off. When I am off, I usually just chalk it up to whatever is going on in my life and say it's stress. But, this time around has been different. For the first time in a VERY long time (at least 16 years), I finally realized that I needed this medicine.

In my defense, we haven't had medical insurance because of the 30-day trial period for Mike's new job. But, we finally got it a few days ago, so my excuse was invalid. It wasn't until I spent all of Tuesday basically in my room, sleeping and trying to shut out the world, that I finally realized something was wrong. My kids spent the entire time downstairs and if they came upstairs, I would yell. It was awful. Why am I telling you all this? I have no idea. I guess because a blog is a place for you to really be yourself and admit your shortcomings. I figure anyone who reads this won't judge me.

So, yesterday I finally went to the doctor to get a prescription. She was surprised I had made it as long as I had without completely losing it. I have had my moments, I admit it, and I am afraid that poor Chris and Penny have had to see those moments up close and personal. Well, Chris not so much, but poor Penny....Poor, poor Penny! =) I got my prescription yesterday and I finally have it filled and I am back on. It will take a few weeks for it to kick in, but once it does, things will be so much better! I swear, the sun is shining a little brighter today!

Now, why do I call this blog "My Hindsight"? Well, I think that should be obvious: I should have prepared better. I should have filled my prescription one last time right before we moved so I would have had a 30-day supply or something. But, hindsight is always 20/20 as they say and you always know the PERFECT thing you SHOULD HAVE done after the fact. I guess this should hopefully teach me for next time. But, at least now I can finally start enjoying my new life and trying to truly make the best of it without my unbalanced dopamine levels screwing things up for me. Now maybe I should break into a Brady Bunch song. That seems appropriate: "I think I'll go for a walk outside now, the summer sun's calling my name..."